I will be the answer at the end of the line

Catherine smiled to herself. She fingered the ring on her finger, watching fascinated as the single stone drank in the light, playing with it. She was still mesmerized by the way nature could provide such beauty from carbon, the same substance her newly environmentally aware daughter kept reminding her was choking the Earth.

The rarity of the diamond was what made it so attractive, and sought after. A little like love she pondered. It seemed fitting that the token of what each couple hoped was true love was the rare diamond. True love as she knew was rare indeed. As she looked at that diamond once more, she reflected on her journey to this point. A place she thought she would not be, fearing her true love had been lost.

In the one relationship she craved, the love she desired above all others, she'd lost her courage. She'd always been able to identify what she wanted, in life, in love, in men and work to attain it. But with him, things were different. This was one of the ways she knew that her love of him was different too. That courage seemed to abandon her, leaving her helpless. She could do no more than wait, and hope that one day he would recognize what she felt.

I will be there for you while you take the time

Patience was a lesson she learnt. It wasn't the usual type of waiting expectantly for the inevitable you were confident would happen. No, Catherine had to endure the torture of moving closer to him at times, expecting the next move to bring them together, only to have it break them further apart.

She did not lose hope though. Hope and that building desire is what fed her. She just knew that the feelings she had would one day be returned. Some may have called her foolish for holding on to the hope of a dream, but they had no knowledge of the depths of those feelings of hers. It was something she'd not felt before; in all the times she'd declared being in love. It hurt her in some ways to think that this one love, this one time, with all the emotion she had invested in it, was destined to linger until the time was right for him to take a chance on her love.

In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground

She knew that commitment scared him, that love scared him; hell, people scared him. She was his friend first. One of the few people he trusted. She did not want to take that away from him. She relied on him and their friendship, as much as he did. She was not willing to be reckless in the pursuit of her desire. She would miss his companionship if the love they shared as friends was eradicated. That would be a high price to pay, too high in her mind. She was willing to sacrifice elements of her life for her love, but this was not negotiable, this friendship they shared was too precious to them both.

She became his confidant. Torturing herself as she listened to his doubts of love. His plans for the woman he shared part of his life with, and with each plan he uttered she held back the thought, why could you not choose me?

For his sake she remained impassive. Helping him in the steps he took on his journey of love, by listening to his fears and doubts. A position she found more painful with each step he took. Yet she could not abandon him, she'd promised herself she would not do that. Her hope of a future with him saw her through.

I will hold the balance if you can't look down

There had been many tests to their friendship, times when what they had was held by a single thread. She had been the one to ensure its survival. She'd cocooned what was left, nurturing it, allowing it to strengthen, until it could once more be released from her care to be shared by them both.

It had not been easy; there had been occasions when frustration could have led her to lose it all. At those times the whisper of hope kept her belief alive and gave her the strength to salvage their friendship from the ashes of despair.

She had done it for them both, not a selfish act to serve her own needs, but knowing that he would only regret a fracture in their friendship, and did not have the knowledge or confidence to be able to repair it.

If it takes my whole life I wont break I wont bend
It'll all be worth it worth it in the end

As well as hope, Catherine had an unerring faith that they were meant to be together. She'd not voiced this to anyone, fearing that by doing so it would crumble to dust and be scattered by the wind. She'd kept that one truth to herself, hidden deep inside her heart.

She was certain in her beliefs. Stubborn some may have said, or single-minded. It was not the first time she'd been described in these terms. She doubted if it would be the last. She was prepared to wait a lifetime if that's what it would take, as she knew the rewards for her patience were worth the investment.

'Cause I can only tell you what I know
that I need you in my life

With the hope, the faith, the belief there was also her need for him. She needed him in her life, one of the reasons why she'd been so willing to hold onto the slenderest of threads of friendship. She'd been willing to ride the waves of disappointment as he shared his life with another. She'd willingly shared in his joy of this new departure for him, the pain of rejection being easier to bear than the pain of isolation from him.

Slowly the pain lessened, the love of their friendship filling the space that it had left and in so doing rejuvenating her faith in her feelings for him.

When the stars have all gone out
you'll still be burning so bright

For Catherine was willing to wait an eternity for the truth that she knew to be revealed to the world. He would be there, and she would be waiting. To her it was so simple. She did still long for the fates to hurry in their course, allowing her reality to be accomplished.

Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind

Then one night her world changed. He'd found her alone, silent tears falling for the love she craved yet knew was forbidden. Years of torment had been hidden behind a masquerade she'd created. Her pretence of happiness was always most difficult to maintain when she saw them together.

Why that night? Why that moment for her to lapse? She did not know. Maybe the fates were using her torment in their own wicked game.

She'd been shamed by her tears, her collapse before him. As he enfolded her in his arms she'd sought the comfort, the closeness he offered. No thoughts of guilt invaded her mind. She deserved this, this moment of being the centre of his universe for a few brief seconds.

She expected him to pull away, his duty of comforting a friend complete; he could now distance himself from her once more. She expected to be set free to dawn's early light an inspiring quote or haiku offered by him as a talisman to see her through her pain. She'd closed her eyes and silently prayed that he would send her gently on her way, and not with the burden of a shattered friendship due to her foolishness.

Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

But that wasn't what he'd done. He'd taken her to his house, quietening her rising protests, her fears at causing a rift in the life he'd chosen. He'd made her feel safe, then he'd started a conversation that she would remember for an eternity.

"So are you going to tell me who made you cry?"

"Why?" She narrowed her eyes, piercing him with what she hoped was a fearful look. "Are you going to spring to my defence finally?"

He smiled, taking her hand. "I probably deserved that."

"Yes, you did."

"Come on Cath, you're my friend. I don't like to see you hurt."

She shook her head, casting her eyes down, hiding from him. "That's not true."

There was a silence that filled the room. When she dared to face him, she saw the hurt in his features. But she did not seek to reassure, to console or comfort, her own hurt was too raw.

"I've hurt you…How…When…Cath?"

She hid her face from him. "It doesn't matter."

"God Cath!" He almost shouted, the tone striking fear in her heart, how could she repair the damage she'd done. "How can you say that? How can you? I would never hurt you. I …I…"

She turned to face him, seeking courage from the anger he'd displayed. He'd shown her emotion. She had caused this in him. The flutterings of hope became like the beating of an eagle's wings, steady and strong.

"You what, Gil? Be careful, very careful, you've made the choice of life with another…" She ground to a halt, not wanting to demolish all that they had, which she knew could be the only result if she voiced her thoughts on his choices in life.

He sighed. Then gripped hold of her hand. "Catherine, Cath, why didn't you say something?"

"What was there to say?" She muttered. "Gil you've made your choice, that is fine. It hurts; I would lie if I said otherwise. But it would hurt me more to see you unhappy. You are happy aren't you Gil?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You are not answering my question. Are you happy?"

"Before I do that, can you answer mine please, it is important. I need to know before I answer you."

"Why?"

"Trust me, please. Just tell me why you didn't tell me."

Defeated, she let out a long sigh. "I was scared. I was scared of how you made me feel. I could not fight for you and lose you. That would have been my downfall. I could live, survive so long as I knew I had you, a part of you in my life. I could not contemplate life without you. So I knew you'd made a choice, I made one of my own to hide my love away from you, from the world, rather than lose you forever in some battle that had already been decided."

"How did you know I wouldn't say yes to you?"

She speared him with another look. "You've not answered my question."

"Please Cath."

She wrestled her hand from him, turning her body away from him, unwilling to voice her mistake. "I didn't. There I've said it. Now answer my question, are you happy?"

"I thought I was, but now I know I was comfortable."

"Comfortable is ok."

"No it's not. I want more. I want love." He allowed a bitter laugh to escape, causing her to turn to face him. "I want what you are feeling."

"Hurt, rejection, stupidity? You are welcome to it."

He captured her hands, slowly caressing them with gentle strokes. "No Catherine. I want that love, that true love you feel. The love that makes you ache as it fills you so completely, the love that makes life whole. The love that enables you to believe that despite the mistakes the person you feel it for makes in their choices, you believe in a future together. Even when they seem to have chosen another."

A tear slowly started to make it's way down Catherine's cheek. Had she really been so transparent to him?

"Don't cry, Catherine, please. I love you like that. I know I have hurt you in my choices of late. I know I did everything to jeopardize any opportunity of sharing my life with you. I know I have made wrong choices. I don't deserve you, I know, but I love you. It has taken these choices, this so called relationship with Sara to make me realize, that I don't want comfort and safety. I want love and I want you."

If it takes a whole life I wont break I wont bend
It'll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind

Catherine twisted her ring, watching the colours dance before her one more time. This was her last night, like this, for tomorrow her life was to begin again, the man she'd loved for so long beside her, not as her friend, but as her husband.

The End.