Catherine hated to admit when she was nervous. She hated to admit she wasn't in control. Control that was what it was all about, something she'd fought so hard for; yet had seen it taken away from her.

Now she stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom, checking her outfit, her make up, her hair anything to avoid admitting she was ready to go out of the house and resume her job. Her life. It wasn't that she hated her job, far from it, she'd fought to return early, get fit enough to be discharged from sick leave. It was that nervousness again. Having to go back to where her life first took that turn all those weeks ago.

It wasn't the people she would have to deal with. The team, her team had made regular visits to her during her recuperation.

It was the building. That was it. She'd not set foot inside it since the whole episode had begun. Now she was going to have to walk down the corridor, the corridor where she'd learnt of Lindsey's kidnapping. She'd have to enter through the doors at the entrance where she herself had been taken.

She'd not be alone. She wasn't sure if that was necessarily a good thing. On the one hand she'd have a hand to hold, or grip as she made those first important steps. But on the other hand, alone she could take her time to summon the courage, take it at her own speed without having to put on some display of nonchalance to concerned eyes.

Well at least she had a name, an object to direct her feelings towards. Okay, it was a pretty big object, but at least it wasn't nameless.

One last check, then she would have to go out there and face her fears. If she didn't make a move soon she'd arise suspicions. The last thing she wanted was to start Lindsey worrying again.

Her daughter had tried to give an impression of not being worried or concerned. Catherine knew from what Sara and Gil had told her, that she'd been frightened of what was happening to her. That she'd associated the events with the death of her father. But to Catherine the little girl had fairly successfully managed to display none of this. It wasn't until Catherine was home, having to deal with her own demons brought about by her abduction that she'd caught her daughter's concerned glances, which soon gave way to her fears.

The first night she'd returned from the hospital, she physically jumped at any noise her quiet house made. Watching her mother, who was normally so strong behave like this brought all of Lindsey's fears to the surface. Having watched her mom jump for the tenth time that evening as the air conditioning had cut in, Lindsey had crept up to her on the sofa and grasped her hand.

"It's okay, mom. Uncle Gil caught the bad men. You're safe now."

"I'm much better knowing you're here." Catherine pulled her daughter closer, kissing the top of her head. "You've been so brave, sweetie. Are you okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Catherine had to wait what seemed to be an eternity for her daughter's reply. Lindsey gazed up at her mom, tracing the outline of her face, as she had often done as a toddler, "Mom... I was so scared. I thought you'd leave me... like daddy did. I kept having this bad dream, it was all mixed up, there was daddy, you and uncle Gil and lots of water. No matter how hard I fought I couldn't get to you, and you.. y .. you ..l..l..left me all alone." She started to cry, softly at first, before heaving sobs overtook her body.

Catherine wanted nothing more than to scoop her daughter up and hug her. She knew however, that that was completely against all the instructions she'd received allowing her early release from hospital, and such an action was only likely to send her back there. So she pulled her daughter closer, kissing the top of her head, rubbing her back trying to calm her. She looked across to Gil, he gave her a reassuring smile and mouthed to her, not wanting to break the spell between mother and daughter, `You're doing fine, she needs to let this out.'

When Lindsey had calmed, Catherine sought to reassure her further, "You know, honey, I'm here. I'm not planning on going anywhere. Uncle Gil is going to stay, to keep an eye on us. Uncle Jim has made sure a patrol car passes our house at least once an hour and we're only a phone call away from help. The men who did this to us, they're all in jail, or someplace where they can no longer harm anyone. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. If you are frightened you've done the right thing, told me. Don't ever be afraid of telling me what you are feeling."

Lindsey looked up at her mom again, squeezed her, "I love you mom." She'd then got up and gone over to Gil, hugging him, "I love you Uncle Gil. Thank you for keeping all of your promises." She'd then gone back and settled herself beside her mom again on the sofa.

"I love you too, Lindsey. Have I told you how proud you made your mom and me?" Gil smiled at her, "Now promise me, if you have another one of those dreams you'll let me know straight away, come and wake me up, and I'll make sure you feel safe again."

It had taken a couple of days, all three of them working together, but they'd eventually managed to reassure Lindsey that she was safe. The dreams that had woken the little girl, a couple of times each night had lessened to one each night, then one a week. It had been two weeks now since Catherine had been woken by her daughter's soft cries. She marvelled at her resilience, and that in itself gave her the strength to continue in her own pursuit of a return to normality.

Standing in the bathroom now, staring across at her reflection in the mirror, she wished she had half of her daughter's courage. She really couldn't put it off any longer. She opened the door, stepping into her bedroom and the gaze of the man who'd stood beside her throughout all of her fears and moments of doubt.

"Are you sure you're ready to start back tonight?" The concern was not only evident in his voice, but also on his face.

She tried to smile, not show her own doubts, "I'm only on desk duty, as per your orders, how hard can it be?" She tried to sound confident. She could of answered that final question with a rush of her own fears, instead she was trying to be strong, the woman who needed no crutch to make her way through life, who lived with decisions, making the best of them.

His eyebrow rose at her comment. He could see the internal battle that was going on in her head. He knew she was putting on one of her masks of bravery. After all, he'd sat outside the bathroom for the last two hours waiting for her. He also knew she needed this. She needed to face this final obstacle. He was determined to be there when she did. She wouldn't want to show any weakness and he wasn't there to try to get her to admit her fears. He was there because she needed him. She may not admit it, but he knew. Over the past weeks, he'd made several decisions concerning Catherine and his life. First of all he'd realised he liked sharing his life with her, feeling as if he was part of her family. She'd offered him this, a second chance at life; he'd grasped hold of it and was not about to let it go. He also knew she had started to count on him. He'd not forced her to talk about what had happened to her. She'd laid out her fears in the hospital. Instead he'd been there, when she needed a comforting word or touch, he'd made sure he gave it. When she'd needed to talk about her fears or her frustrations at not being able to do all she'd done before, he'd been there. Along with this had come a deepening of their relationship. Those first kisses in the hospital had started it. He now knew that within the next six months he would be married to her. He'd not told her this. It didn't scare him, this secret he was keeping. He knew she needed to re-establish her life before he let her in on his plans. She needed to feel whole again, capable of making her way through life alone before she could commit to sharing her life. Now here she was about to take one of those final steps. She was petrified, that was clear to him. But she was also determined to hide that fear. He needed to get her through this first night if they were to have that life he yearned for.

"Okay, then, Jodie's here to baby-sit for tonight. So let's go." He reached across and took her hand, pulling her to him for a kiss.

Hand in hand they'd left the sanctuary of her bedroom. Catherine had made brief small talk with Jodie, before kissing Lindsey and promising to be careful. She'd let Gil guide her to the door, his hand nestling against the small of her back. She'd grabbed their coats, then taken a deep breath of the night air, as the front door opened.

Gil had opened her door for her, before quickly going around to the driver's side and starting up the Tahoe. He'd taken one quick glance at her, offering a reassuring smile and a squeeze to her hand, before concentrating on backing out of the driveway on their journey to the lab.

He'd put on some soft classical music, to break the silence, but not intrude on her thoughts. He could guess what she was doing, building up her defences, preparing herself. He wasn't going to intrude on her thoughts. If she needed him, she knew he was right beside her. She needed to have the courage to do this herself. He needed to allow her the space, the time to gather her thoughts and courage.

Catherine sat in the Tahoe, gazing with unseeing eyes at the buildings they passed. She had that video replaying snatches of the kidnap, once again in her head. It was taking all of her self control not to scream, `Stop!' Not to urge Gil to return to the safety of her house. Yet all the time she was getting closer to the building. She didn't dare look at Gil. She was aware of his concerned glances towards her. She knew if her eyes met his, her resolve would break. But she needed this, this night, this return to some semblance of normality if she was to ever regain her life.

As Gil pulled into the driveway of the lab, he could hear Catherine take in a deep breath, it was almost a gasp. He looked across at her, concern once again filling his face, "You know, we don't have to do this today. If you're not ready we can turn right around and try it another day."

Catherine tried a smile, but was sure it wasn't convincing. Here he was offering her an escape route and it took all of her willpower not to seize it and run back to her house and Lindsey, but no, she needed to do this. She put her hand on his leg and hoped to all that was good that she sounded believable, "No, Gil, I'll be fine. It's just been a while, that's all. The sooner I start this shift, the sooner it's over and things can start returning to normal, whatever that is." She tried another smile. She was almost persuading herself, she could do this; she would do this. This was one of her last steps in her recovery. The first shift back would make the second and subsequent ones easier. She knew if Gil turned the Tahoe round now, she'd never have the courage to face that journey again. She'd once seen a film when she was younger, one of those airplane disaster movies based around a point of no return. That was where she was now, the point of no return, and like the pilot in that movie she decided to continue with the journey in the hopes of a safe landing at the destination.

Gil eased the vehicle into his parking spot. Looking around the parking lot, it appeared that they were the first from their shift to arrive. That was what he hoped for. That way Catherine could take her time getting used to the idea of being back in the building, before the inevitable wave of greetings and enquiries about her well-being. He smiled across at her again, "Ready?"

At her slight hesitation, he leaned closer and stole a kiss, "Look, we can do this whichever way you want, I'll be here. I'm here to try to make it easier, just tell me what you want, okay?"

"Okay."

Gil climbed out, quickly going around to her side to open her door. He took her arm to help her out of the vehicle, quickly grabbing their coats and her bag from the back seat; he took hold of her hand and started to walk to the building. He didn't want to rush her, allowing her to set the pace.

He felt her shudder as the main doors from where she'd been taken came into sight. He gripped her hand tighter, "It's okay honey, I'm here. There's no one here to hurt you."

He felt her return his grip and move closer to him, but she remained silent. He could only guess at the thoughts that were running through her head. But she bravely continued towards the doors. He reached out to pull one of the doors open, noting how she was continuing in her path, not faltering, "How about we go to my office, I can update you on a few of the cases before the others come in?"

Again, no reply, he looked at her anxious about her continued silence. Her face was set, no visible emotion covering it. This wasn't good. Catherine would always talk, talk through her problems, her joys or just her general chatter about the coming day's events was enough to cheer him. He wasn't accustomed to this silence. However, she kept moving, clearly making her way to his office.

Once they reached his door, he again opened it for her, before quickly closing it behind him. He pulled her towards him in a hug, feeling her racing heartbeat against his chest. Slowly he rubbed her back while whispering into her hair, "It's okay, Cath. You've done the hard part. I'm so proud of you." They stood like that for several minutes, until he felt her heartbeat start to slow, then he pulled her to the couch and sat beside her, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Catherine took in a deep breath, "Thank you. I wouldn't have done that without you. Thanks for letting me come in at my own pace. I know you must have been worried. I'm sorry if I scared you by not talking, but I knew if I tried to say anything, I'd be pleading to go home. I needed to be here, come here, work here tonight. I'm sorry I scared you."

"Hey, don't apologise," he took her chin as she moved her gaze away to look at the floor, forcing her to look into his eyes, "I meant what I said. We're doing this at your speed, you decide if, or when you've had enough, and we'll call it a day. I know it took all of your strength just to walk through those doors tonight. You do not need to apologise to me for one thing. I love you Catherine. We'll work through this together. I'm not going to leave you."

She smiled at him. A genuine smile this time, one of the ones that seemed to radiate through the room, "How did I get so lucky?"

She really didn't know what she'd done to appease the fates. Since the moment she'd first opened her eyes in the hospital, Gil seemed to have put his life on hold for her. He'd been with her through the physical therapy. He'd extended his leave so he could be with her when she first returned home. At her insistence he'd not slept on the couch but in her bed, not as her lover, at first. He would hold her until she fell asleep. When the unavoidable nightmares assaulted her dreams, he was there to comfort and reassure her, make her feel safe again. When he was certain she could be left without his constant presence and reassurances, he'd returned to work, at her insistence. But after each shift, he'd not returned to his townhouse, instead making his way to what he now called home, Catherine's house.

In the past week their relationship had changed, they'd become lovers, neither denying their feelings for each other any longer. Life was finally turning out good for both of them. Catherine didn't want to jinx it, so she constantly thanked all the fates for giving her this second chance.

Gil and Catherine stole a few more minutes together, each revelling in the closeness of their love. Hearing the unmistakeable sounds of Nick and Sara teasing Greg, Gil had taken Catherine's hand, "Come on, we'd better go and break them up before our shift is corrupted by their practical joke war!"

Catherine let Gil help her up from the couch, "Wait," seeing the concern return to his eyes, she smiled cheekily, before raising herself up to claim his lips in a kiss.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

"For being you. Now let's go and get this shift over with."

They'd walked into the break room to the sounds of Nick, Greg and Sara continuing their teasing war. Catherine smiled, she'd missed this, this was where she knew she belonged. How could she have doubted that? "Hey guys. Isn't anyone going to get me some coffee?"

At the sound of her voice, the three younger members of the team turned. Nick was the first to react, "Catherine, so glad you're back." He walked over to her, not sure whether or not it was safe to hug her, when she smiled and reached her arms out to him, he didn't hesitate any longer but pulled her into a hug, "I missed you."

He was soon joined by Sara, who came and stood beside Nick, "How are you doing, Cath?"

"Fine, although I'm confined to working at the lab for the next two weeks," she turned to playfully glare at Gil.

He in turn held up his hands, "Hey, not my fault. Doctors orders remember." He again took hold of her hand.

Greg bounded across to them, "Well I guess this calls for a celebration, I'll break out the good Hawaiian beans tonight!"

All four of them laughed at his comment. They were interrupted by a deep voice behind them, "Cath, you didn't tell me you were coming in tonight."

Catherine swung around to face Warrick, who swept her into a hug before she could utter a word. "Hey War, sorry, I only really decided to come back tonight. Had to wait for the doctors approval, got that late this afternoon, so here I am."

Gil gazed at the scene that was unfolding around him. That was the difference; it was all happening around him not in front of him. He'd not faded into the background as an observer, but remained a part of the grouping. For the first time in a long time he felt like he belonged. This seemed so natural joining in the mini celebration of the return of Catherine. He smiled. He was aware of Catherine's gaze on him, he turned to meet her eyes, contented to see his smile reflected on her face.

He waited for the conversation to die down, then settled himself in his seat, the others following, taking their cue from him. He paired himself with Warrick on a home invasion case, sending Sara and Nick to the Luxor to investigate a dead body the maid had found in one of the rooms.

As the three younger team members left, he waited behind to talk to Catherine, "Are you sure you're okay, do you need me to stay with you?"

"No, I'll be fine. Don't worry. I've Greg's coffee and your paperwork, what more could a girl want?" She leaned up and kissed his lips lightly.

"If you want to work in my office, feel free. I'll try not to let this case run into overtime."

Catherine couldn't help but be touched by his obvious concern. But she was well aware that part of the journey she needed to make, needed to be done alone. Having gotten into the building, and greeted the team, she was now becoming impatient to make those final steps, her confidence was slowly returning and she needed now to try to complete her recovery. "Go, go, I'll be fine, honest."

With that he bent down, kissed her forehead and left the room. Waiting outside, out of sight of Catherine was Greg. "Don't worry Grissom, I'll keep an eye on her."

He smiled at the young lab tech, "Thanks." Then left for the parking lot to meet up with Warrick.

Catherine was finally alone. Well as alone as anyone could be in the lab building. Having started working in the break room, she'd quickly decided the constant through traffic of people searching for food or caffeine was too much of a distraction. Especially as most people seeing her there for the first time in several weeks, felt the need to stop, chat, enquire about her health, and update her on the gossip. She finally decided to go and work in Gil's office, after starting to read the same file five times in a row and never getting past the first page. On the way she dropped in on Greg, "How's it going?"

"Great, once I'd cleaned up the mess from Ecklie's team."

She smiled, "Just so you know, I'm going to go and work in Grissom's office, it's a bit quieter."

He looked at her with concern, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just start reviewing a case and someone comes in, wants to talk and I have to start all over again." She smiled again.

"Well I'll be here if you need to talk at all."

"Thanks, Greg."

She entered Gil's office, and soon settled herself behind the desk. She was engrossed in a file and didn't hear the soft knocking on the door.

"Catherine."

She physical jumped in her seat, letting out a small gasp, the look of terror evident on her face.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. You okay?"

She nodded, "Next time Jim, do you think you could knock?"

"I did, honest. Anyway, Gil told me you were back so I thought I'd drop by see how you were. I'm sorry about your father."

Catherine had heard from the D.A. the day before, that her father had provided evidence in three further unsolved cases. Due to his age, and his willingness to co-operate he was sentenced to seven years in a minimum security prison. Catherine was convinced that he would not serve the full sentence, but at least by doing this he would provide her with some peace of mind.

"Thanks Jim. Well, if nothing else we've three more solved cases."

The detective chuckled. "Desk duty, huh, or in other words Gil's paperwork. Well you're doing me a favour, at least he won't be so cranky if you're taking care of the paperwork."

Catherine giggled, "Yeah, enjoy it while it lasts! By the way Jim, thank you."

"For what?"

"Looking after Gil. I know he can be stubborn, and from what I hear he clashed with you a few times. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping him safe. I don't know what he'd of done if you weren't there."

"Anytime, Catherine. I'm just glad we got you back."

With that, his beeper vibrated. She watched him look down and read the display, then quickly snatch out his cell phone. She mouthed "Bye" with a wave of her hand, and with his returning wave, he left her once again alone.

Gil arrived back at his office an hour after the shift had officially ended. He was anxious to see Catherine, hear how she'd coped with the first day back. As he opened the door to his office, his heart rose to his throat. Catherine was soundly sleeping on his couch, a comforter wrapped around her. It wasn't the fact that she was sleeping that upset him; it was the fact that she adopted virtually the same position as Lindsey had, when he'd returned to find her sleeping, during Catherine's kidnap. He decided to break the spell of bad memories quickly. He went across, knelt beside her and kissed her, "Catherine," he softly called.

"Mhhmm, oh Gil, is it the end of shift? Sorry, I shut my eyes for ten minutes. I didn't realise I was that tired."

"Hey, lets get you home, so you can sleep in a proper bed."

Catherine stretched, slowly sitting up. She let him help her to a standing position. He grabbed her coat, while she retrieved her bag, having kept it with her while she was working in his office, rather than putting it in her locker.

Gil turned out the office light, closed the door and reached for her hand. "Did you have a good day?"

She smiled up at him, "Surprisingly, yes. Thank you for being there for me. I couldn't have done this without you."

"Anytime you need me, you only have to ask. Now lets get home."

Catherine smiled to herself. She'd achieved it, those final difficult steps on her return to normality. She knew now she had her life back, she could face the next day and every other day. A second chance at life, once again thanking the fates that normally thwarted her happiness, she squeezed Gil's hand, willing to follow him, be with him, love him for the rest of their days.

The End