Life's mysteries could be pondered later; right now she had more important things to do…

Why? Why now? Why when she was about to commit herself to another, thinking she'd found true love did this happen? Why did she suddenly come face to face with the reality she'd tried to keep hidden for so long? The reality that she could have a future with him and that he loved her.

"Stop!" She voiced aloud. "Not now!" She bit her lip, her inner voice, maybe it was her conscience, she didn't know, asked `If not now then when?'

She closed her eyes, clenched her fists and concentrated on the pain her fingernails were inflicting on the palms of her hands. This was a little reality she could deal with for now. She sucked in a long breath of air, then exhaled slowly delighting momentarily in the calm this gave her, a sense of control, something she realized had been lacking since he'd made his feelings clear.

This was no good, action was needed, action by her but what to do?

She knew what her heart was telling her, which choice to make, but how could she do this; take this path knowing that it would only cause heartbreak?

But what of the other path? There were no guarantees of happily ever afters. Did she really love him? She cared for him, of that here was no doubt, but simply caring was not love.

But what of love, she'd loved Eddie hadn't she? And what had come of that, he'd shattered her heart, leaving her yearning for him long after he'd discarded her. It had taken his death for her to accept they were over. If that's what love was did she really want to take a second chance on it? But wasn't love what everyone sought? Wars had been fought over it, lives destroyed at its very askance. It was stronger. More powerful than any object known to mankind, yet at the same time as fragile and precious as the gossamer wings of a butterfly.

Could she enter into marriage knowing she was loved but that she did not return his love? Would that be fair? Would it be right? Marriages had been made on far less and up until thirty minutes ago she was quite comfortable with the concept. But thirty minutes ago she thought she was in love with one man only to discover it was another.

Would it be fair to Mike to stop everything now? Then again, would it be fair to him to enter into a marriage she knew would fail before they had even had a chance to start? Either way she would cause him hurt and he did not deserve this; not after he'd been so sweet, so caring, so loving. He deserved more, more than her. And in that simple realization the decision was born. She knew then what she'd have to do; and time was now of great importance.

She smoothed down the dress and took a last look at herself in the full-length mirror. She opened the door and caught sight of her mother.

Lily sensed something was not right with her daughter and quickly crossed the room to her. "Catherine?"

"Mom…I…"

"Oh no you don't. You can't. I won't let you. He's a good man Catherine. Someone you can rely on, he'll take care of you and Lindsey."

"But I don't love him mom."

"Love is highly overrated. Look what love got you last time." She spat.

"I've made my decision mom. I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you once again, if I don't live up to you expectations. But I can't do this. I need to talk to him. Alone. Tell him why. Promise me you'll get him, but not betray me. Mom, please, for me?"

Lily gave her daughter a disapproving look, which slowly melted. "You've always been strong willed Catherine. I just hope you are strong enough to live with this decision. You have my word I'll not say anything."

"Thanks mom." She kissed her mother on the cheek. As she watched her mom disappear she caught her daughter's questioning gaze. Unable to face her accusations, needing to talk to Mike first, she turned and re-entered the small room where she'd been getting ready.

She was not startled by the door opening quietly a few moments later, or by the sight of her daughter standing before her.

"Mom?" Her face was filled with concern.

"Lindsey, I really need …"

"You're calling it off aren't you?"

Catherine nodded in reply. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I…it's just not right."

"But it was alright this morning, last night, eight months ago when you guys got engaged. Why now?"

"Things change." She sighed.

"In a matter of hours mom…come on."

"Linds, I know this doesn't make much sense, but I've changed my mind. I can't do this. I don't love him. Not like I loved your dad, or…."

"It's Uncle Gil isn't it?"

"What sweetie?" Her eyes searched her daughter's face, how could she come to that conclusion?

"Uncle Gil, it was all going well until he came in to see you, then everything changed."

Her mother's slight blush and look of remorse was enough of an answer. "It's okay mom, honestly. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and if you think not marrying Mike will make you happy then that's a good decision. I'll be here for you whatever you decide."

"Thanks sweetheart. I'm sorry I've ruined your chance of being a bridesmaid." Catherine hugged her daughter, trying hard to keep the threatened tears at bay.

Lindsey squeezed her mom in return before pulling back. "I'd better go before Mike arrives. It'll be okay, mom."

The click of the door lock sealed her fate. Now she awaited her final accuser.

As Mike entered, his face filled with concern for her, her heart melted. She could see in his eyes he already knew what she was to say. Yet still he did not judge her.

"Mike, I'm sorry, you are the sweetest, most caring man I've known for some time. You will make a wonderful husband, but not for me I'm sorry."

He came to sit beside her, reaching for her hand. "You just have cold feet Cath, honey it'll be okay, we are good together, real good, we will be great as a married couple. Sweetheart, please."

Tears filled Catherine's eyes. "I'm sorry Mike, I can't."

"Why honey?"

"Please don't ask that." She whispered.

His voice was surprisingly calm, yet the hurt was clearly audible. "I think you owe me that much, don't you?"

"But, but I don't want to hurt you."

He threw his arms in the air, his voice rose. "What do you think you've done? I have our friends, our families barely a hundred feet away; sitting waiting for a ceremony you have now said can't go ahead. I think I deserve to know why, don't you?"

Catherine brushed at the tears that had now broken free. "It's not you Mike, it's nothing you've done or said. It's me. I…" She reached for his hand hoping that in touching him, having the simplest of contact, the pain would in some way be lessened. "I don't love you as I should. You deserve so much more, more than me. This is all my doing, not you, believe me."

A frightening silence filled the room. Catherine did not know what to expect from him. She wanted him to speak, but by the same account was scared of just what may be brought forth by his words.

In a voice barely above a whisper Mike pleaded. "Tell me what I can do. How can I make you love me?"

At his words Catherine felt a weight rest upon her heart. What had she done? "There's nothing you can do. I'm sorry. I thought I loved you. I would not have agreed to marry you if I'd not thought I'd loved you. But I realized today that it was not love. I care for you. I always will, but I don't love you. I don't want to get married because I made a promise that was false. If we started married life on a bed of lies what chance would we have? I'm sorry. I tried so hard to love you, but my heart belongs elsewhere."

Mike stood. He kissed her once on the cheek then smiled. "You are wrong. I do deserve you. You are beautiful not only in looks but in spirit. I hope the keeper of your heart knows this. I love you and because I love you I want you to be happy. Thank you for having the courage to tell me this before it was too late. I wish you happiness wherever your heart takes you. I'm sorry it's not with me."

"I'm sorry too." She half whispered.

"Let me tell the guests. Let it be my last gift to you."

"Would you mind if I came with you?"

He thought for a moment, and then smiled. "Of course not."

He took her hand leading her to where the guests were already assembled. He stood before them, Catherine's hand in his. "Friends, family. We'd like to first of all thank you for coming here today." He paused. Catherine squeezed his hand and he looked at her briefly seeking that final reassurance that this was what she wanted. At her nod he continued. "We're sorry to say there will be no wedding. We've changed our minds and rather than make a mistake we'd regret in the future, we've decided to stop the wedding. We are sorry to have brought you here without a celebration but I'm sure you'll agree it is far better to cancel a wedding than line the pockets of the divorce lawyers in a few months time. Thank you once again for coming, and I'm sorry."

His speech was greeted with silence.

After a few awkward moments Sam Braun stood and approached the couple. He shook Mike's hand and kissed Catherine on the cheek. "Are you two sure?"

At their joint nods he raised his voice. "I think everyone here would like to wish Catherine and Mike the best of happiness wherever that may lie."

The gathered guests stood and applauded Sam's sentiment.

Catherine searched the assembled guests. She caught sight of him, their eyes locked and in those few moments she felt as if she lived a lifetime. She knew in that look that the decision she had just made was right.

Then he was lost to her as her family gathered around to offer commiserations, heart felt thoughts as if words could ease this situation. She felt a fraud as she accepted them with a weak smile, knowing this was all her own doing. But also knowing that Mike, in his speech, had accepted responsibility for part of the decision. To admit it was all her doing now would take away from him a small vestige of his worth. It would open up a whole set of questions she knew the answers to which would serve no purpose but to hurt him. Hadn't she done enough of that already? So she gracefully accepted the words of sympathy that were offered. All of the time wanting to be somewhere else in the arms of someone else, the man she loved.

As the final members of her family left, she searched for him, for he had not been to speak with her, but there was no sign of him. He'd disappeared.

Lily came and stood beside her. "He's gone."

"Who?"

"Your Gil Grissom. That's who you were looking for wasn't it?"

"Mom..."

Lily patted her daughter's hand. "I'm not as stupid as I look Catherine. I know you. Besides Lindsey told me. "

"And?"

"And what?"

"Mom!"

"I can't say I'm surprised. Happy? Well let's see if you two make it work before I commit to such emotions. Just be careful Catherine."

"I will."

"I mean it, you have just thrown away one chance at happiness, they don't come knocking every day of the week you know. Be careful and most of all be happy."

"Thanks mom." Catherine kissed her mom. Then returned to the room where she'd got ready earlier.

She changed quickly; wanting to be out of the dress she now felt was in some way tainted. Dressed now in simple jeans and a blush rose shirt, she smiled as the door opened to reveal Lindsey, still in her bridesmaid dress.

"Hi honey."

"Hey mom. Sam wants to know if you're ready to go?"

"Yeah, I guess." She picked up her bag and the dress within its garment bag. Giving the room a quick scan to ensure there was nothing left. She let Lindsey lead the way out of the room, to Sam's waiting limousine.

As Lindsey climbed in the back to join Lily, the chauffer took the dress and bag from Catherine. Sam enveloped her in a hug and then drew back so he could see her face. "You okay Mugs?"

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry Sam. It just wasn't meant to be. I should never have accepted his proposal."

"Did you think you loved him when you did?"

"Yes, I did, I wouldn't have otherwise."

"Then you did no wrong. You were lucky you found out before it was too late that this was not the right thing to do. It would have been a lot harder a few years down the line. Now come and stay with me out at the ranch. Lindsey would love the horses. You'll be away from everything, give yourself time to heal."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, but no thanks. I really want to go home. Then go back to work in a couple of days. I need to get back to normal, you know what I mean?"

He winked at her. "I do, but the ranch can be normal."

"I know, but…"

"You want your own space." He smiled at her.

"Yeah." She smiled in relief that he understood and was not hurt by her decision.

"Okay, so I can't tempt you. The plan was for Lindsey to come and stay with Lily and I, would you still let her? I know she was looking forward to it. And I promise not to spoil her too much. Come on Cath, a few days."

Catherine smiled. "Okay, but only if Lindsey wants to."

By the time the driver pulled up outside Catherine's house, Lindsey had assured herself that her mom would indeed be okay without her, as she'd agreed to call Sam each day. She had also assured Lindsey should the `emotional crises', as her daughter had so eloquently termed her current status, became too much she would immediately call Lindsey.

Catherine was quietly pleased with the space that Sam was providing. She loved Lindsey, but craved her time alone right now.

Her home seemed strangely silent as she entered it, a calm that was welcomed after the upheaval of the past few weeks.

She ran a bath, sinking into the warmth it offered. Closing her eyes she let her mind play out the decisions of the day. She'd had within her grasp the security of the love of one man, the hopes of a life together, but had let that slip through her fingers for the chance of happiness with another who'd only given her the faint hope of love, yet within that hope had captured her heart.

Feeling the chill of the water starting to invade her skin, she stepped out of the bath, wrapping herself in the comfort of a towel before choosing her favourite `comfort pyjamas' to wear to bed.

Wanting to put the day behind her she climbed into bed and pulled the covers around her hoping for sleep to draw her away from the days events.

It was some hours later when she was woken by the incessant ringing of her doorbell. For a moment the events of the previous day were forgotten, then they seemed to suddenly come crashing down on her, her heart once more feeling the weight upon it.

The doorbell's ring again forced her into action. Quickly picking up her robe and gathering it around her she padded towards the door.

The doorbell rang once more before she had the chance to open it, to reveal a rather dishevelled looking Gil Grissom; still in the suit he'd worn the previous day. The flower in his buttonhole was now limp, however.

"Gil?"

"Catherine, can I come in?"

She opened the door wider in answer, watching him carefully as he entered for some sign of she didn't know what. She closed the door and followed him to the sofa.

"Gil?" She questioned again.

"Why didn't you do it?"

"What?" She asked.

"Marry Mike."

She sighed; she knew this conversation was going to occur, she just hoped to have a little more time to prepare herself. "I couldn't marry him. I changed my mind. You heard what Mike said."

"I heard what Mike said. I came here to find out what you have to say. Why you did what you did. Why you stood at that altar dressed as a beautiful bride, and you were beautiful, radiant, yet wouldn't make that final commitment."

She cast her eyes downwards away from him. Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe she'd seen things that were not there. Maybe that whisper of love she'd felt sure she'd heard had been an illusion. "I couldn't do it."

"Why?" He persisted.

"I think you know why."

"Do I? Tell me what I know then." His eyes held hers, not betraying his feelings.

"I think you know I didn't love him, not like I love you. I think you know that it was you coming to me just before the ceremony saying what you did, that made me change my mind."

"And what words of wisdom did I use to convince you?"

She looked at him confused. Was he about to deny all that had been said? Attribute his words to a heat of the moment rashness? "You wished me good luck, wished me happiness and then…"

"Then what?" He half whispered.

"And then you said you wished it was you. That you'd missed your chance, you'd loved me from the moment you saw me and only now through losing me to another were you brave enough to admit it."

He reached out for her hand as a brief silence enveloped them. "And for that you'd take a risk? Abort a marriage? Give up the love of a man who has never hurt you?"

"I did it for you."

"For me?"

"Yes, for you because in that moment, in those words I felt your love for me and my heart was captured by you. I love you. You, not Mike, that's why."

"You would risk your happiness for me, my words?"

She squeezed his hands. "Isn't that what love is, a risk?"

"But…you had a happily ever after, a safety, a security. What can I offer in comparison?"

"Your love. The chance to have the love I've felt for so long returned, if only for a few brief moments it's worth the risk."

"What about happily ever after?"

"That only happens in fairy tales." She smiled, the first smile he'd seen from her centred on him, for a long time. A smile just for him, he wanted to engrave the image on his brain. "I would like eternity, fight for it, strive for it, work for it as I believe that this…this love is worth that. But it takes two hearts working together to achieve that. Are you willing to give me your heart?"

Her question needed no thought from him as he replied. "You already have it my love. Can I call you that? I know it's too soon, your heart needs time to heal from Mike, but you are my love."

"It's okay." She smiled.

"I love you Catherine. I want that eternity you want. Trust me; believe in me. "

"I do."

Their lips met to seal the promise of an eternity of love.

The End