As Conrad Ecklie left the office, his parting words rang around Gil's head. `She's a loose cannon with a gun. And she's all yours.' He felt like a condemned man with the noose around his neck. It was clear Ecklie thought Sara would be his downfall, maybe professionally, but as his gaze fixed on the other occupant in the room he realised Ecklie was blind as to the true cause of his possible demise.

Her eyes nervously met his; he knew she was trying to appear brave, self-righteous even. But his anger, no that wasn't right, it wasn't anger he felt. A pang of jealousy, yes, he'd certainly felt that, walking into the office seeing how cosy they were. Ecklie's arm around the back of her chair, what was she doing? What was he doing? She was his and his alone, she'd promised that, made it clear from day one that this, their relationship, would be untainted by the involvement of others. She'd made it abundantly clear that if his eye strayed she would be lost to him, the thought terrified him, but he understood her reasoning. Too often the victim herself of her partner's desire to sample the waters, she'd been hurt that time too many. She wasn't prepared to risk it again. For his part, he wanted to protect her bring her joy through unconditional love and care. He'd remained faithful to her throughout the years he known her, even before they were together he had rarely entered a relationship, or responded to a request of a date with others. His heart was lost to Catherine and until its dying beat he knew there was no other for whom it would be lost.

Entering the office, it felt as if it were about to be shattered. Seeing her, that inch too close to Ecklie. He with his arm around her chair as if shouting to the world she was his, what right did he have? What game was she playing? And like the coward he was, Conrad had left, having lit the torch paper, he'd retreated no doubt hoping the fireworks would work to his advantage. They were alone, facing one another, oblivious to the workings of the world around them.

Her lips parted, seeming to subtly mouth his name. He raised his right eyebrow in question of her, his gaze hardening as she looked up at him frightened of his reaction to what he'd just witnessed.

He quickly turned, not trusting himself to speak to her here, now.

"Gil?"

He stopped, not daring to turn around. Not willing to allow her to see the hurt in his eyes.

"Not now, Catherine." He was proud of the control he had in forcing those words out evenly.

He could sense her approaching, the air seemed to thicken, crackle almost, like the moments before a thunderstorm when the energy builds before the onslaught of rain.

He felt her hand touch his shoulder he shook it off. Not wanting her touch, frightened of what that physical contact might generate.

"Gil?" Her plea was clear, yet met with silence. "It's not…"

He suddenly spun around, facing her, he took a step closer, she backed away, another step, she was backed against the desk. One final step, trapping her with his body against the wood. He towered over her, a small part of him rejoicing in the power he had over her, the way that he could insight such fear with a simple movement. He leaned in closer; she tried to move her face away, cowering under his presence. He stopped when his breath mingled with hers, slowly, very slowly in a voice hardly above a whisper he spoke. "It's not what? How many times did you believe those words from Eddie? I said not now, I meant not now!"

He moved back, quickly turning and heading out of the office, out of the lab, getting into his Denali his only thought was to get away, far away, somewhere where it didn't hurt anymore.

As she leant against the desk watching Gil's retreating form, the life seemed to leave her. Catherine slowly slid to the floor in front of the desk. She pulled her knees up to her chin then rested her forehead on them, her arms pulled tight around her legs, making herself as small as possible she finally allowed the tears to fall. What had she done? How could she have been so stupid as to lose the one thing that was right in her life?

She didn't know how long she had sat in that position. But when she finally trusted herself to have control over her emotions, she stretched out her legs feeling the muscles complain as their cramped position was suddenly relieved. She arched her back to ease the tension within her vertebrae. Then bracing her hands on the floor, she slowly stood. For a brief moment, the room span and darkness played at the edges of her vision as the blood rushed from her head. She steadied herself with one hand on the desk. Taking in a deep breath she gathered her belongings and headed for the parking lot. Her jacket forgotten in the confines of the locker room, preferring to sacrifice it for one night rather than risk confronting a colleague about the events of the past twenty-four hours. She realised already that Warrick and Greg were puzzled by her actions, to meet anyone else would surely only generate more questions, more suppositions as to the reasons behind her actions and for now, that was something she didn't think she could contend with. Instead she sought the sanctuary of home, which in itself was a bitter reminder of what she had just lost.

She was thankful her daughter was away, staying with her mother, Lindsey's beloved grandma. She could not face yet more altercations, she'd lost the love of her life, was barely holding on to her daughter, knowing full well that one false accusation, one mistimed word or question could easily set up another argument, another wedge between herself and her daughter.

Since being with Gil, Lindsey had calmed. She had started to return to her former self, the rebellion slowly transforming into love for the couple and the man she now viewed as a father. Having lost him, through her own actions, surely Lindsey too would be lost, and for what, a brief meeting Ecklie had insisted on? A colleague's accusations born out of hatred for their belief that she had stolen something that belonged to them? It was her fault. She had been the one who had put an end to her ex-husbands `open marriage' causing the inevitable fights, trapping their daughter in the middle. She had been the one who'd argued with him at her daughter's school play, after which Lindsey had nearly died in the car crash. She had been the one who'd given up the fight for justice for Eddie, leaving her daughter in limbo, having no closure for the murder of her father. She'd been the one who'd pushed her daughter aside as she sought a new life, trying to find some comfort, some way of feeling alive again. She'd been the one who had let Gil grow in their hearts, their lives, become a part of their family. Now she was the one who had pushed him away by her insecurity of dealing with Ecklie in her new position.

Now it was lost, she might as well escape, run away, surely life for all of them would be better if she was far away. What would the consequences be? Lindsey would live with her grandma a place she seemed to prefer to the sole company of her mother. Gil would not have to worry about her, her consequences for his career. Sara would finally be free to act upon her obvious feelings.

As she sat on her sofa, staring at the clock on the mantelshelf, she contemplated her life. How could life change so much in such a short space of time? She wondered briefly where Gil was, then that old familiar feeling started to grow in her stomach, she'd not felt it since her days married to Eddie. What would happen when he did return? She was certain he would, she didn't know why; she just knew he wouldn't just leave her. He was angry in the office. She'd not seen him like that before, she could tell he was a hair breadth away from losing control, and what would, could that mean for her? He'd tried and succeeded in intimidating her. She was well aware of the feeling of control and satisfaction this gave him and it terrified her. Had she been wrong? Was he just like Eddie, waiting to reap his revenge on her. Would she have to change her wardrobe, her make-up to cover what this man would do to her? She knew now, having created the monster it was her responsibility to take care of him as she had tried and failed to do with Eddie. How could she unleash him on the world having changed him so completely? Not for the first time that day she despised herself and her lack of judgment.

The phone rang, making her jump. She stared at it; did she have the courage to answer it? She reached across for the handset, nervously picking it up.

"Hello…?"

Silence greeted her. She could faintly hear his breath, knowing it was him tears started to form. "Gil? Please Gil…"

"Why Catherine? Why? You lied."

"Gil, come home, talk to me, please!"

"You hurt me Catherine. You hurt me… why? I trusted you, gave you my heart. Why did you have to break it?"

Unable to answer him, she did the one thing that she hoped would cause him to return to her, she ended the call.

Gil leant his forehead against the wall above the payphone. He'd come here, to this bar with one intent, to lose himself in drink, let the alcohol dull his senses, ease his hurt. But he couldn't do that. The acrid smell of smoke, mingled with the alcohol only served to turn his stomach, reminding him all to clearly of Catherine's past. Her love of a man, who resorted to alcohol when life was not what he hoped, then finished an evening by hitting out at anything or anyone he came across. Was he destined to become like that? How would that be living up to his secret vow to care for her? He'd decided at this point to call her, and now through his own desperation, his own need to seek answers across the safety of a telephone wire, he'd caused more hurt. She was crying, and he knew he was the cause, yet pride prevented him from comforting her with words, he'd instead continued with his relentless pursuit of answers to ease his conscience.

That was the root of his jealousy and anger, his conscience. He'd heard from Ecklie what Sara had said, heard the background to the attack from Catherine. He'd even been to see Sara learnt of the underlying cause of her momentary lapse of reason. He knew Catherine was stung by the words, feeling fragile at having her recently earnt position challenged, yet all he did was defend Sara. A woman he knew had unrequited feelings for him, a woman he'd rejected in the past to stay true to his one love. Maybe that was what caused his actions, guilt over his previous dealings with her, suddenly faced with a situation where he could prove she was not hated, reviled he had stood up for her and in so doing disregarded the feelings of the one person he cared most for, causing her hurt.

He tried the number again, listening to the busy tone. Knowing its cause was her need for privacy, her need to hide away due to his actions.

You could have a change of heart,
if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall,
but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall

Gil spent an endless day, trying to sleep on the sofa in his office. His own townhouse no longer a refuge, how could he return there when every room reminded him of her presence, where they'd talked, laughed, danced, made love. No, if she would not have him back he would sell it, contents included, the pain of being near anything that reminded him of her would be too much.

So after leaving the bar, he'd returned to the lab. Entered his office, locked the door and kicked off his shoes before stretching out on the sofa. Yet sleep evaded him, instead he was tormented by their argument, the scene he'd walked in on. His imagination started to take over what else had they done? How many quiet lunches, dinners had they shared?

Finally he had enough, unable to sleep, unable to get peace from his overactive brain, he realised that respite would only be achieved by confronting that which he feared. If she rejected him he knew the lot of his life, but she may accept him back, it was worth the risk, certainly worth fighting for. If he chose the right words, begged her forgiveness maybe she'd change her mind, maybe she'd accept him back, be willing to listen and understand his hurt.

Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

His courage started to falter as he pulled into her driveway. He allowed himself a couple of minutes to study the house before him commit it to memory. Why? He didn't know, aware that if she rejected him it would only haunt his dreams with further imagining of the occupants.

But that wasn't going to happen. He was determined to repair the hurt, win her back. His life had changed too much due to her presence to throw it all away now. What they had was precious, not easily found and worth working for, fighting for.

He retrieved his key and approached the door. Gently turning it in the lock he was permitted entry to their domain. He took a deep breath, another memory that would serve to remind him of her. He chastised himself; he needed to remain positive if this battle were to be won.

He cast his eyes around the room, immediately finding her, sat on the sofa, wearing the same clothes she'd been in when he last saw her. She didn't move, acknowledge his presence, maybe she was sleeping.

He walked towards the sofa, his stomach knotting with each step he took. Was he really the same man who had taken pleasure from intimidating her only hours ago?

He sat beside her, noting her downcast face, submissive, or fearful, he wasn't sure which. He reached a hand across to caress her cheek as his hand made contact she flinched, pressing herself into the corner of the overstuffed sofa. His heart sank this was his doing. He had caused such terror to run through her veins.

Barely able to control his voice, stop it cracking he half whispered. "I'm sorry Catherine, I'm not going to hurt you, believe me."

She chanced a glance at him and what he saw in her face only caused his heart to break further. Her bottom lip trembled; her eyes filled with fear, were red from obvious tears. Her hands were shaking. She caught hold of her lip with her teeth in the hopes of preventing its movement. She stared at him, the fear now mixed with confusion as if unsure by this new turn of events.

He reached across again, her eyes widened as his hands approached, she pushed her body back into the cushions, he needed to help her, let her see the intent of his actions. He shuffled his body closer, suddenly aware that her whole body was trembling uncontrollably. He reached out for her left hand, taking it in both of his, gently stroking it against his cheek then kissing the fingers. He released it to watch it fall limply by her side as if she had lost control of her body. Unable to control himself further he reached behind her, pulling her towards his body, hugging her close, gently stroking her back, whilst kissing the top of her head. "Shhh, Catherine. I'm sorry, so sorry. I shouldn't of left you sweetheart. I…forgive me please. I will never hurt you."

They sat like that for what seemed an eternity. He started to rock her gently, stroking her back, trying to offer some recompense for his earlier anger and their lost time.

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

He was startled when he heard her muffled voice.

"Please don't hate me, Gil."

"What?"

"Please don't hate me." Her voice was so small, she sounded so lost.

"I could never hate you. Whatever made you think I did?"

She removed herself from his grip, seeking her sanctuary of the corner of the sofa once again, "Ecklie…Sara…I know what it must have looked like, but honestly it wasn't that at all."

"I…"

"No, let me explain. If we are to move beyond this I must know you believe me, trust me. When we started this, our love affair, our journey, I told you then this was for the two of us. That if anyone came between us then it was over. I meant that for you as well as me. I could no more cheat on you, than live with you if you cheated on me. So you need to know, understand what happened. Ecklie summoned me to his office to review anomalies in the Watkins case. The D.A. had been breathing down his neck demanding answers as to why the suspect we'd held was suddenly released. I had to go and explain it to him. He started off sitting close so he could see the file, as I was reviewing the evidence he kept moving closer, it was becoming uncomfortable."

"So why didn't you tell him?"

"Sofia."

"What do you mean Sofia?"

"Have you asked Sofia why she was demoted?" She watched him shake his head. "Apparently Ecklie likes to have a close working relationship with his female employees. Not close enough to hang himself, but just that touching of the line he knows he can get away with, the odd touch, the close case conference, the invasion of personal space, nothing personnel could hang him with, but enough to let all the women working for him feel that little bit uncomfortable." She took a deep breath, and started to study her fingers. "I'm used to it anyway. I've dealt with worse in my dancing days. I guess he just thinks my past asks for that attention."

The vein in the side of Gil's neck started to noticeably throb. "He has no right…"

Her hand surprised him, by reaching out to stroke his cheek, turning his head towards her. "Think about it Gil, if I complain, you complain, what evidence do we have? It'll be he said, she said and I'm hardly Atwater's golden girl. I'll be demoted; they'll find some way to attack you. I couldn't do that to you, see you lose the reputation you've worked hard to build. If there's one sure fact about politics it's when the mud flies everyone gets covered."

"But surely… you shouldn't..."

"Please don't, for me, leave it. I can handle him, trust me. I have years of practice." She smiled sadly. "So that's what was happening with Ecklie. I was so relieved when you walked in. That's why I asked about Sara, hoping you would stay, break up the case conference." A bitter smile covered her features, "You did, but not in the way I hoped." A solitary tear left her eye, running slowly down her right cheek. "I hurt you, I pushed you that step too far, sent you away. I'm so sorry; I was so scared last night. I thought you would never speak to me again."

"Hey, hey, Catherine. I would never leave you. I love you too much. I was angry, jealous; I took that anger out on you and hurt you. I scared you, intimidated you, and made you in a small way relive what Eddie put you through." He stroked her cheek. "A small part of me knew what I was doing and rejoiced in the power, the control it gave me, and that disgusts me. That I would do that to you, what kind of man am I? I promise, with all of my heart I will never treat you in that way again. I know you heard it from Eddie, but believe me, trust in me, I am not Eddie and this promise I make to you I will hold true, for you, for us."

Her eyes searched his. Years of hearing her ex-husband's lies had left her with the ability to see beyond the words the mouth uttered. Looking into Gil's eyes, all she saw was regret and the plea of a man who'd been broken by his actions. She leant close to him, her lips almost touching his, as their eyes locked. "I believe you."

Those three words were enough to bring their lips finally together, as they sought the comfort of one another's embrace.

I don't wanna fight no more,
I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby,
like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger,
hits you right between the eyes

They now sat as one on the sofa. Catherine cradled by Gil on his lap. Their initial passionate kiss had led to slow languid kisses, as if they were learning anew about each other. In a way they were, as this was their first real fight, oh they'd argued about whose turn it was to take out the trash, cook breakfast or pick a movie. But never to the point that they could have lost all that they strived for.

Now as the reality of just how close they'd been to losing it all hit, that feeling of relief enveloped them. They were now a little more secure in their relationship, knowing this was not some casual affair, but a deep love they were both willing to fight for. Like many before them, they had found this testing of their boundaries only served to cement their bond, make them stronger. It was meant to be; they were destined to be a couple.

As this knowledge seeped through Gil, he held her tighter to him, not wanting to let her go. He wanted it all now. No more nights alone. No time apart.

"If I asked you to marry me would you agree?"

She looked up at him eyes wide. "I love you Gil. I can't imagine life without you, but marriage? Why now?"

"I want to wake up beside you. I want to be a part of your family."

"You are already, what difference would a piece of paper make?"

"I want you to be required to be there." He smiled down at her, holding his breath waiting for her reply.

She paused, her eyes searching his face. She loved him like she loved no other. She knew she could not contemplate life without him, but was now really the time? Was he just reacting out of fear for what had happened in the past few days? Then she saw something cross his face, a brief glimpse of pain, and the realisation of how much he depended on her, needed her, and loved her hit hard. If he wanted marriage, if he wanted forever, who was she to deny him especially as she felt the same way? She took in a deep breath, she was nervous of the consequences of her next words, she would marry him but she needed some time, time to digest what they'd just been through, she didn't want to disappoint him, yet didn't want to take actions they'd later regret. If he loved her, truly loved her, he'd wait, she took a final gulp of air before speaking. "Okay, but I don't want to rush this. I know there's still a lot to learn; these past few days have proved this. I promise I will marry you, but I want to wait a while, not make decisions that we'll regret due to our haste."

"I understand." He leant down kissing her tip of her nose. "I will wait forever for you, my love."

She smiled at his gesture. "What about a compromise, until we're sure it's the right thing for both of us, you could move in. You practically live here anyway."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and smiled. "I want to know I can rely on waking up with you. I don't want to spend another night alone."

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

The following day as Catherine's shift ended, she left for the parking lot climbing into her Denali and looking forward to returning home.

She arrived to find a car in her driveway and the lights of her house ablaze. She smiled it seemed so welcoming. She parked her Denali, letting her head briefly fall against the headrest, drinking in the scene before her. Her stomach fluttered with excitement, this was a new start, a new beginning on life and she was determined not to mess it up.

She exited the Denali, a smile playing on her lips as she approached the front door. Opening it, she was met with a myriad of boxes stacked in front of her staircase. The music system playing softly some classical music, as Gil sat on the sofa, Lindsey curled next to him looking through an old photograph album.

She approached them, leaning over the back of the sofa, encircling her arms around Gil, while her lips found his cheek to kiss.

"Hey, honey."

"Hi yourself. How was your shift?"

"Not bad. Sara found me before I left."

"And?"

"She didn't apologise, but we managed a civil conversation."

"Give her time, Cath. She's been through a lot." He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing her fingers one by one before turning it and softly kissing her palm.

A loud yawn from Lindsey reminded them of her presence.

"Hey baby, done your homework?"

"Yes mom. I'm going up to bed now. Leave you two alone." She winked at Gil, before leaving them.

You could have a change of heart,
if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy

While Catherine went to check on Lindsey, Gil made them a light snack. As she returned downstairs, he ushered her once again to the sofa. Kneeling before her.

"Catherine, you are my love, my life. I know we said we'd wait to be married, but I want to give you this as a token of my intent, my love for you." He handed her a small red box.

With trembling hands Catherine opened it to reveal a solitaire diamond ring. He took her left hand, retrieving the ring from its box and sliding it down her ring finger. As it hit the base, he leant forward capturing her lips.

"You didn't have to do this. I remember our promise"

"I wanted to. I wanted the whole world to know you are taken, you are mine, that I love you."

"I love you too."

Their lips once again joined, all thoughts of food forgotten.

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

The End