I slam the door of the Tahoe shut and rap on the door of Catherine's house. I am absolutely livid. It wasn't until I returned to CSI after the deaf school that Warrick told me that Catherine was attacked. I was about to chew him out over it.and then he told me Catherine had asked him not to tell me.

"Grissom? What are you doing here?"

I glance at her, and flinch at the red gash on her forehead. "Did he do that to you?" I stride inside. I want an explanation as to why she didn't tell me. And I want it now.

"Why did you tell Warrick not to tell me?"

Catherine sighs and I keep my eyes on her.

"I didn't want you to drop whatever you were doing and race out here."

"I just can't believe that you asked Warrick not to tell me! Dammit, Catherine, don't you think I'd want to know that someone attacked you!"

*********************************

This is what I was afraid of. I knew he was going to get all overprotective and I just can't take it. Not with the way our relationship has been lately.

"I'm fine," I tell him again. "And why are you so worried about me all of a sudden? We have hardly spoken to each other lately." I can tell what I just said stung and stung him hard. But it's the truth. We've barely said a word to each other lately and now here he is, worrying about me, trying to be the perfect gentleman.

"I do worry about you, Catherine. I worry about you a lot. Who the hell let the suspect in? Why wasn't it cleared? I want the name of the first officer on the scene."

I raise a hand to stop him from talking. "He's already been spoken to. By a lot of people."

"Where's Lindsey?" he asked.

"I asked Nancy to watch her. I didn't want her seeing me like this." He rubs his hands across his face. He looks tired. Probably hasn't been sleeping well. I doubt he's been eating properly either. Well, join the club.

***********************************

She exhausts me. Catherine Willows exhausts me. "Warrick told me that you were a little off tonight as well."

She narrows her eyes. "Off?"

"You seemed scared."

Catherine frowns. "I was attacked by a suspect, Grissom. Do you expect me to all cheery about it?"

She's calling me Grissom. This is not going how I expected. I want to be able to comfort her. To hold her.

Hold her.

I stand up and sit next to her on the couch. Her eyes are wide.

"What are you doing?"

"Just calm down," I tell her, pulling her into my arms.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm holding you," I reply. "Would you just calm down and let me hold you?"

***********************************

Gil Grissom has his arms around me. He's holding me against his chest, his chin resting on my head. He smells so good and his arms are so.

No. I won't go there. I won't allow myself. I can't let myself do this anymore. I can't pine for someone that shows no inclination of feeling the same way for me that I do for him.

"Gil, we can't do this," I murmur, pulling away.

He looks confused. "I can't hold you?"

"No. And you can't touch me. We just can't."

"Can't what? Catherine, you scared me to death! And it hurt when I found out you didn't want me to know. Why can't I hold you? I know you were scared! Why won't you let me comfort you?" His fingers brush against my shoulder, and I shiver involuntarily. "I can't lose you, Catherine."

I freeze. This situation is getting rapidly out of my control. "After all, you don't want to have to break in a new CSI." I am about to get up when his hand grips my shoulder, and forces me to look at him.

"You mean more than that to me, and you know it."

"Do I?" I struggle to get out of his grasp. "Let me go, Gil."

"I won't. You have to know how much you mean to me, Cath."

I glare at him. "And how the hell am I supposed to know anything with you? You're so emotionally closed-off from the world that no one can talk to you!"

************************************

"What do you want to say, Catherine? Tell me, and I'll listen."

She chuckles bitterly. "That's not how it works."

I sigh. "Cath, I don't understand. What is it that you want from me?"

"Anything! I want you to say something, Gil! Anything! You've hardly said a word to me outside work and now you're here telling me god knows what!"

"I love you, Cath."

I watch her stop. Stop struggling, stop ranting, stop moving. "You had to have known that, Catherine."

She looks at me. "How? How am I supposed to know anything about your feelings? You never tell anyone anything. I've watched Sara fawning over you, I've seen you with other women. Then you close me off. What did you think I was going to infer from that?"

**********************************

And there it is. The reality dawns.

"I.I guess I didn't think."

I sigh. I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of wanting him with all my being. I'm tired of wanting him so much it aches.

"I'm sorry, Cath," he says, getting up from the couch. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

My brain finally registers that he's leaving and I jump up. "Gil, wait."

He stops but doesn't turn around.

"Come back and sit down. Please?"

Gil walks back and we sit on the couch together.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me," I tell him. "It was just hard.hard to believe that after all this time, after so long, that you said that."

"Catherine, do you have any idea how scared I was when Warrick told me what happened? I can't lose you. I need you in my life."

It's when he reaches his hand out that I see the red knuckles. Grabbing his hand, I look at it. "Gil, what happened?"

He tries to pull his hand away but I don't let him.

"Gil, you know the name of the officer, don't you?" I look at him intently. "Don't lie to me."

He slowly nods. "Brass and Mobley suspended me for a week."

My eyes widen. My Gil Grissom is not a violent man. I've never known him to hit anyone, let alone a police officer. "Gil, why on earth did you hit him?"

His hand gently touches my forehead. "He hurt you. And I won't let anyone hurt you."

I sigh. "How about we get some ice for your knuckles."

Before I can leave the couch, his hand grips mine and his lips press firmly against mine.

He tastes so incredibly good and I maneuver myself to sit in his lap. Before our kissing continues I pull back, determined to get something off my chest.

I cup his face with my hands. "I love you, Gil Grissom. I love you very, very much."