I look at my partner. And I mean 'partner' in only one way. A very professional way. No, I haven't had the honour of being more than just a friend to Catherine. That's all I have ever been to her and sometimes it pains me to realize that may be all I ever am to her. But anyway, back to my thoughts. I look at her and I am still amazed, after almost 20 years, how beautiful this woman is. Her smooth, strawberry-blonde hair. Her crystal blue eyes. Her constantly lip-glossed lips. Her...

Ok, I can go on forever listing all the parts of her that I adore. My point is, she's beautiful. And even though I have never told her this, it doesn't mean I don't know it. I've known since the day I met her. And believe me, it's not like I haven't tried telling her. It's just that, everytime I do try, my mouth seems to dry up and my mind goes blank. I, a PhD-toting entomologist and criminalist, become a blubbering idiot. Ask me to list all the different spiders in this world -- in Latin -- and I can do it in less than a minute. Ask me to tell Catherine she's beautiful and I end up being asked in return, "Are you ok, Gil? You look a little pale."

I like to blame my loss of vocabulary on the extent of Catherine's beauty. Really, she's just too beautiful for words. Now if only I could actually say that to her...

Uh-oh. She's caught me looking at her. Now she's looking at me funny. Any second now, she's going to ask me what's wrong. What do I do? What do I say? My mouth feels dry. My mind is blank. I have the urge to curse as loud as I can but I bite my tongue. That would only add to her curiousity. She's still looking at me. Great. Maybe if I look at this paper really hard, she'll stop looking at me.

No. She's still looking. And now she definitely knows something's wrong cuz I've just looked at her again. No, correction: I *peeked* at her. I feel myself fighting for air when she opens her mouth to speak...

"Are you ok?"

"I'm...fine." I manage in between silent gasps.

"Ok..." She frowns, obviously unconvinced by my answer but gets up anyway, "I'm gonna go get some coffee. You want?"

"Sure." I smile even though my heart's racing and I can feel my face flushing. Dear God, what this woman does to me! She gives me one last odd look before shaking her head and walking out the door. I let out a sigh of relief and glance at the clock. 2:00. 2:00?! There's still another 2 hours before shift is over. How am I going to survive another 2 hours in this tiny office with her without making more of a fool of myself? How am I going to go another 2 hours without ending up staring at her like some ogling pervert? How...

Oh great, she's back. How did she get coffee so quickly? I mutter 'thank you' as she hands me a cup. She looks at me and I feel panic filling me up again. That look. It means she knows something. What does she know? Does she know about me? Does she know about how I feel? How did she find out? Now she's smiling! Damn. She knows. Before I could begin to comprehend how she figured it out on one trip to the break room, she leans towards me and kisses me.

So that's how it feels to kiss Catherine...

She sits down and goes right back to her paperwork as if nothing happened. As if my all-time fantasy didn't just come true. As if...

Ok, I'm too happy, excited, aroused, surprised right now to continue with any logical thoughts. So I smile like the blubbering idiot that I really am and content myself with watching the world's most beautiful woman work on paperwork.