Catherine scrawled her signature on the bottom of the last form and tossed the file onto Gil’s desk, smirking when it landed right on top of the form he was studying.

“What was that for?” Gil pierced her with his best glare, somehow managing to hide his delight that she didn’t shrivel and disappear beneath what he privately referred to as his ‘death stare’. Catherine was tougher than that, never allowing him the upper hand unless it directly benefited her. It was a trait that he found endearing and comforting. It was nice to know some things didn’t change.

Catherine shrugged as if she had done nothing more than smile at him. “Just wanted to see if you were still alive. You’ve been so quiet and haven’t moved for so long I thought that you were either dead or asleep.”

He chuckled. “Not dead, not asleep, but not exactly awake. I need some coffee.”

“So do I,” Catherine agreed. “Paper, rock, scissors for who goes for lattes.”

The nearest coffee shop was notorious for being swamped at this time at night and they neither of them wanted to fight the crowd. “Deal. But the winner pays for them.”

“What? The winner buys? Who made up that rule? I remember a great many of our PRS and never once did the winner have to pay for anything.”

“Are you going to argue about it for the rest of the night or are you going to pay for the coffee?”

“Fine, but I’m not paying, you are.” She raised her left hand, palm up and made a fist out of her right hand. “You ready?”

Gil mirrored her actions and nodded. “Go. One, two, three.” Gil looked at Catherine’s hand and groaned. His scissors beat her paper. He was buying. Another six bucks blown on Catherine’s coffee. She made ordering coffee an art form while Gil still pondered what had happened to buying a normal cup of coffee. However, he had made one concession to the coffee shop craze; he ordered caffé lattes instead of just plain black coffee.

Sighing, he pulled out his wallet and handed her a ten dollar bill. “Think you can keep your coffee to under six dollars this time or do I need to fork over more?”

Catherine snagged the money out of his hand. She knew he was teasing her, just as she knew he wouldn’t take offense to her comments. “Watch it or I’ll spit in your coffee or worse. Don’t piss off the person who’s fetching your coffee. You never know, I could put snake venom in it.” She grinned cheekily.

Gil caught the reference to an older case he’d solved. “Well, I’m not going to worry about that. Unless you take more than half an hour to get back here.”

“You never know.” Catherine grabbed her coat and purse and left his office, already tasting the complex hot caffeinated drink that was her favorite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Catherine walked up to the front doors of the lab and transferred the drink holder she was carrying to her left hand so she could open the door, but the person leaving the building opened it so quickly she almost dropped the coffees.

“Whoa!” She exclaimed. “Watch it…Steve, what are you doing here?” She smiled at the man she’d been dating recently. Tilting her head, she gave him a kiss. “Not that I’m complaining, but it’s unusual to see you up at one in the morning.”

“Actually, I need to talk to you for just a moment. It couldn’t wait.” He gently took hold of her arm and led her a few feet from the door.

Catherine was slightly confused, and more than a little concerned. His body language as well as the brevity of the kiss spoke volumes. She braced herself for what he needed to tell her.

*******************

“It’s about time you got back,” Gil lectured when Catherine walked into his office. “Did you go buy some snake venom?”

Catherine set the drink holder down on his desk and wiggled a paper cup from its holder. “Here.” She thrust his cup toward him without meeting his eyes and then wrestled her own cup out of the tight space of the holder.

Gil watched as she flopped into the chair she had vacated previously. “Um, Cath, you okay?”

“Just peachy. Why?” She took a drink of her coffee, wincing as it scalded her mouth.

“Because you left here in a good mood and came back in a bad one. Did you get a call from Lindsey?”

Catherine chuckled derisively and felt the pricking of unwanted tears. “It’s still hot.”

“And that’s a bad thing…why?” Gil was thoroughly confused and a bit concerned. He saw the tears and wondered what had happened in the half an hour she was gone. He stood and walked over to the door, shutting it and making sure it was locked to prevent anyone from walking in. Moving in front of her, he sat on the edge of his desk and looked at her. “What happened, Cath?”

“My coffee’s still hot.” Catherine looked at Gil as if that should explain everything. “It shouldn’t be hot, it should be cool.”

“Catherine, I’m confused. Is Lindsey okay? Did you get in an accident? Are you hurt?”

Her brow furrowed. “I would think that breaking up with someone should take long enough for your coffee to cool. Right? That telling someone she’s not good enough should at least take a few minutes. Don’t you think?”

Understanding dawned and Gil leaned back. He hadn’t known she was dating anyone. But, after he’d treated her so badly when he found out the man she’d met at a bar the night before was their number one suspect in two murders, it didn’t surprise him that she kept things to herself. He still felt guilty about that. He had let his opinion on meeting men, or women for that matter, in bars. It seemed so cheap, degrading and beneath him. He held Catherine to that same standard and not only was it unfair, it was judgmental and hurtful. It had taken some time for Catherine to get past the way he had treated her, not only during, but after the case was solved and they were just now getting back to their previous friendship. But apparently Catherine still didn’t trust him fully.

“I’m guessing he called?” Gil’s opinion of this man was already low. Anyone who would use the phone to break it off with someone already had a low standing in Gil’s book. But again, he knew he needed to stop viewing people through his own standards. It was a personality flaw that he was trying to work on, especially since the Adam Novak situation.

Catherine shook her head. “No, he came here to tell me. To my workplace in the middle of shift to tell me he had met someone.” Her laugh was short and bitter. “Someone younger than me. Someone without a child, who in his words, ‘obviously needed a father’. He said that he hadn’t expected to meet anyone, but being a father figure was too much pressure and that while he was fond of me, he knew that I wasn’t the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Again, he wanted to be with someone younger.”

Gil’s eyes widened. “He said that? That he wanted someone younger?” He took a sip of his coffee, which like she said, was still hot.

“Not in those words! But the meaning was more than clear. He mentioned her age twice. I just don’t get it. We dated exclusively for over four months. And the whole time he knew I wasn’t what he wanted. So what was he doing? Just passing time? Just a fill in until he could get what he really wanted?” She almost growled thinking about it. “The worst thing is, I introduced him to Lindsey. I was that sure of him, of us as a couple. I never saw this coming. Never.”

“I’m sorry, Cath.” It didn’t seem like the right thing to say, but really, what could he say? Such were the ups and downs of dating. One reason why he had chosen to abstain from it. Too much drama for him.

“You know, I should just take a page from your book. Don’t date, don’t feel, and don’t get hurt.” She nodded decisively, her course of action apparently clear if only to her. “Become asexual. Just like you.”

Gil bristled at her words. It had bothered him a few years ago when Sara had told him that he didn’t feel, but it hurt more when Catherine said it. He had thought she knew him better than anyone else. He stood and walked around his desk, settling himself in his chair.

“I’m not asexual. Nor am I unfeeling, Catherine.”

His tone was sharp and Catherine stared at him, her eyes wide, unaccustomed to that tone from him. Usually he took her anger and deflated it with calm responses. Rarely had he used this tone with her and it momentarily shocked her out of her misery.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” At his pointed look, she rambled on. “Well, I just meant…” she trailed off, suddenly defensive. “Because you never date, never even seem interested in dating and you have to admit, you don’t show emotion. You can’t get upset if people assume you don’t give a damn about having relationships.”

“Have you ever known me to give a damn about what others say about me?” Without waiting for a response he went on. “Anyway, this isn’t about me, but rather you. And your recent heartbreak.”

She looked down at her lap for a moment, her lips pursed. Looking back up at him, she smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know that I’m heartbroken. Exactly. More…disappointed. And more than a little pissed at him.” She met Gil’s eyes and rambled on, defensive again for some reason. “Okay, okay! My pride is wounded more than anything. Happy?”

“Catherine I would never be happy to hear you’re…upset.”

Catherine looked at him askance, trying to judge if he was being serious or making fun of her. Deciding she’d picked enough fights throughout their 20 year friendship, she chose the former. “Anyway, how come you’re so content? Don’t you want a wife, kids? Picket fence. Two point four dogs?”

“I thought it was a dog and two point four kids?” Gil shuffled some folders on his desk. “But to answer your questions…I can’t answer them.”

“What do you mean, you can’t answer them? That doesn’t make any sense. Don’t you have any longings? Any dreams?”

“What would be the point of wishing for something that may never happen?” He removed his glasses and folded his hands, laying them on his desk as if preparing for a lecture. “Yes, I’d like those things, but I also think differently than most people about relationships.”

“Gil, I hate to shock you, but it’s well known you’re different.”

“Cute. Do you want to hear this or not? I’m only offering once.”

Catherine quieted, leaning slightly forward in her chair. A revelation into the Grissom psyche was always a treat. And usually a trip. “I’m all ears.”

“It’s not that I don’t want a wife, or even children, it’s just that I’m content to wait.”

“For how long?” Catherine interrupted, unconsciously leaning even closer.

“For everything.” He sighed at sat back, twirling his glasses around with his fingers. “I’m an all or nothing person, Cath. I don’t believe in accepting less than the best. And while no one person is perfect, I know that there is a perfect person for me. And I’m willing to wait.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me if I meet her now or when I’m 65. I’d rather have 5 years of something wonderful than 30 of something mediocre.”

“You’re serious.” She watched him nod. “But what if you never find her?”

“Then I don’t. I’m not discontent with my life. I’m actually very content. If it happens then it will, if not, I won’t regret anything. But I’ll also know that I didn’t settle.”

“Did I settle with Eddie?” Catherine mused, more to herself than to him.

“You’re the only one that can answer that, Cath. But does it really matter, all these years later? You have Lindsey, you came out of it a stronger person. Take all those things in and maybe it wasn’t settling.” He paused a moment. “Having said that, I believe you deserve better than what you had with him towards the end.”

Catherine nodded. “I completely agree with you.” She picked at imaginary lint on her slacks for a moment. “How do you know if you’re going to meet the person if you never get out, Gil?”

“Call me sentimental, but I also believe I’ll know her when I meet her. I won’t have to go through the dating process to know.” He held up a finger when she opened her mouth to respond. “One caveat to that though. That doesn’t mean that it will happen right away. I think when you’re really ready, that person just materializes. Maybe they’ve been right in front of you the entire time and you never realized it. Maybe it’ll be the person you pass everyday, but never really see. But when you’re both really and truly ready it’ll happen so naturally, you won’t have to wonder if they’re the right person. You’ll just know.”

“But I’m…” Catherine blew out an exasperated breath. “I’m lonely, Gil. I’m tired of going home to my daughter and my mother. I’m tired of giving everything I have to everyone and never feeling like I’m getting anything back. I just want someone to hold me when I’m tired, crabby and…and I just want to be held.”

It was Gil’s turn to lean forward. “I understand loneliness. Believe me, I do. But if you go looking for a relationship because you’re lonely, all you’re going to find is heartache.” He sighed. “It’s not always easy, Catherine, but when you get to the point that you’re happy and content with your life and really don’t care if you have a relationship—that’s when the person is going to appear and sweep you off your feet.”

“That’s such a cliché, Gil.” Catherine’s defensiveness appeared again, but briefly.

“You’re right, it is. But cliché’s become them because they’re true.”

Catherine’s pager went off, startling her. After reading the display she stood and sighed. “Hodges has the results back.” She stared at him for a moment, digesting what he had said. It all made sense. But yet, it was hard to wait for something you wanted so badly. Yet, maybe he was right and that she needed to start focusing on what she had; friends, family, a job she loved instead of obsessing on what she didn’t have. “Thanks…for the talk, Gil. Really.”

Gil nodded. “Anytime, Cath. I mean that.”

He watched as she walked out of his office, lost in thought. In the 20 years they’d known each other, they’d never had a conversation this deep and Gil was surprised at how easy it had been. But he also knew something that Catherine didn’t. He’d known from the moment he’d met her that she was the person God or Fate or whatever had put on this earth for him, but that she hadn’t been ready. That she still wasn’t ready. But now, he knew in his gut that she was starting on the right path. The one that would lead her to him. All he had to do was sit back and wait, arms open and a heart full of love to give her.