I love going to see movies by myself. I don’t want anyone leaning over and whispering to me during the movie. Not too mention how much I like to watch scary movies by myself and in complete darkness. Nothing like a good scare to make you feel alive. I was earlier than I had anticipated. Even with visiting the bathroom and standing in line at the concessions stand, I was still settled in my seat before the previews even started.

Something made me glance up from the forensics article I was reading and my mouth opened in surprise. Gil Grissom was just a few rows down from me, settling into his seat with a large tub of popcorn. I sat there and thought for a moment. Should I go join him? Should I stay where I am? Should I go say hello and let him decide? I was just about to go say hello when I heard his cell phone ring. I was too far away to hear anything more than the murmur of his voice, a pleasant sound in and of itself. Suddenly he stood, waved slightly and even from my spot five rows up I could see the smile on his face. I turned to see who he was waving at and my face fell. Catherine. Figures it would be her.

I watched as she walked up the stairs and picked her way over to him. I wondered how often the two of them met outside of work. They had been friends and coworker’s for almost twenty years. Wouldn’t it be expected that they occasionally saw each other outside of work? Watching them I don’t see any signs of anything other than friendship. Just because they are sitting close to each other didn’t mean anything. I try to ignore his large popcorn and her large drink. I try to ignore the way she smiled at him, and his answering smile. I especially try to ignore the way it looks like they are flirting. I really think I’m doing a damn good job of convincing myself that there is nothing special about them being together until they lean forward and kiss. I sit, shocked and wanting to cry. So this is why he didn’t want to be with me. He wanted to be with her. I wasn’t good enough. Now matter how hard I tried, Catherine always won. Oh, I know I’m smarter than she is. Book smart, but not people smart. She has this way with people and as hard as I try not to be, I’m incredibly jealous of her.

I should leave, I know that. But I can’t. It’s that same compulsion that make people touch the plate the waiter just told them was very hot. The same thing that make people rubber neck at traffic accidents, even though the site of blood makes them sick. There was no way I was going to leave. As hard as it is to watch them, and God it’s making me incredibly sick, I’m going to sit here and torture myself for the next two hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the theater and call Gil. I smile as I hear his voice and as I round the corner I see him standing, waving at me. As if I wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a crowd of thousands. My smile turns into a grin and I walk up the steps and then pick my way down the aisle to him.

“Hey,” I say as I settle in the seat next to him.

“Hey yourself.” He flashes me his grin. “Lindsey get to her friend’s house okay?”

I nod. “Yeah. Traffic was a bitch though. Thought I might be late.”

“I’m glad you weren’t.”

My breath catches in my throat as he looks at me. God, after almost twenty years of knowing him I never thought he’d look at me like this. And I never thought I’d want him to look at me with desire. But that all changed last night when he leaned over and planted one on me. And Jesus, can he kiss! He wants to kiss me now. It’s obvious by the way he looked at my mouth and then licked his lips.

“Are you going to kiss me?” I ask as I lean forward. Our lips meet and the world melts away. Not that I was aware of anyone else in the theater anyway. It could have been full of people or we could have been the only two in here. Doesn’t matter now anyway.

“You taste like Milk Duds,” he says after a few minutes of breathless kissing as he brushes some hair away from my face. I don’t think I’ve kissed like that since I was 16.

“Guilty.” I reach into my purse and pull out a box of candy. I dig one out and hold it between my fingers. “Want one?”

His eyes never leave mine as he leans forward and sucks my fingers into his mouth. My eyes slide closed as he uses his tongue to take the candy, yet he doesn’t release my fingers right away. Now I really can’t breathe. Dammit! That was my trick. I guess still waters really do run deep, because I never in a million years imagined that Gil Grissom could be so damned good at this stuff. I know when we have sex, we’re going to shake the pillars of heaven. The lights start to dim as the previews start and I kiss him once more. Sex will have to wait, as much as I want him right now, there is a movie to watch. Besides, teasing each other for the next two hours will make it even better.

I raise the armrest between us and settle against him, pillowing my head on his shoulder. I wonder if I tilt my head back if his mouth will be right there. Ready and willing. And being the scientist that I am, I test my hypothesis. Yep, no more theory, it is now fact. Now I can settle in to watch the previews. All the while creating some of my own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must be a sick pervert. Why else would I be following them? Making sure to keep my distance of course. Actually, skulking would probably be a more accurate word for what I’m doing. Hiding behind cars, watching without looking like I’m watching. Catherine had parked close to me, and had they turned and really looked, they would recognize my car. But they were too caught up in each other. I slide into my car and watch, the tears flooding my eyes as they continued their make out session against the driver’s side door of her red Solara convertible.

Couldn’t he see how much I loved him? Not because I wanted to change him, not because I wanted him to be anything other than who he was. What was it about me that wasn’t good enough? Not for Hank and not for Gil. No, Gil preferred leggy blondes with curves in all the right places. I have long legs, but certainly not the breasts. Plus I don’t wear the makeup or the tight clothes that she does. All designed to get a man’s attention. And it worked.

I don’t hate my body or my face. And I’ve never envied another woman for her looks before. But I never lost someone I wanted to a beautiful woman either. Then again, how can you lose something you never had? As much as I wanted him, Gil was never really mine. That’s what sucks so much about this. I can’t get mad, say they betrayed me or anything else. All I can do is accept it and move on. I try to see through the tears and realize that they’re leaving. Together. I refuse to think about where they’re going and what they’re going to do when they get there. The tears fall faster now and I can feel my chest hitching. I know I can’t drive like this so I rest my head against the steering wheel and let the sobs come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stop at Gil’s Denali and wait for him to get out. Not that I want him to leave, but because the faster he exits my car, the faster we can get to his place and the faster we can get naked. And after two hours of constant foreplay, I’m after just one thing right now. Yesterday, when he said he couldn’t stay because of Lindsey, I was content to wait. I thought it was sweet that he was thinking more about Lindsey than himself. And it wasn’t as if we weren’t ready then. I was almost as turned on when he left then as I am now. Almost, but not quite. Lindsey is at school today, so there’s no reason to wait any longer.

Raising one eyebrow, I ask, “Are you going to get out?” I swear to God I’m getting cramps in my fingers from squeezing the steering wheel.

He chuckled. “Impatient?”

Impatient? Yes, I’m impatient. I’m also so turned on that it would only take a couple flicks from my finger, or more preferably his, to send me into the stratosphere. “Gil,” I whine. Oh God! I whined! And how he’s really chuckling. I look at his lap, see the tight fabric and smirk. “Looks like I’m not the only impatient one.”

“You’ve got a point.”

I smile sweetly. “So do you. Now get out.” He leans toward me and I pull back. “Gil, please. Just…” I actually growl at him. “How many strokes would it take for me to get you off?” At his shocked look I smile. “You’re never going to know if you don’t get your ass in gear.”

He’s still sitting there so I try another tactic. “We can take my car, but it’s going to take us, with traffic about a half an hour to get back here to drop you off. Then another twenty minutes, give or take for me to drive to my house. That’s an hour we could spend in bed or on the road. Your choice.”

That got him moving. Well, that and the honk from the car behind us. He opens the door and slides out. I point to the curb ahead of us. “I’ll pull up over there and then follow you.”

Gil nods and smiles. “Oh, and about three.”

I giggle. “Well, then we both need to find some control by the time we get to your place, huh?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the break room and see Catherine first thing. So much for my drunken prayer last night that she dropped off the face of the planet. As I walk over to the coffee pot, I risk a glance at her and notice the slight smile on her face. The smile of a woman well satisfied? Had Gil been having sex with me, I’d say yes, but since he’s screwing her, I hope not. I should be ashamed of my thoughts, but I’m not. Not really. Over the last few months, actually since her ex-husband’s death, we haven’t gotten along very well. I choose to ignore the fact that she took me out after the Hank fiasco, letting me cry on her shoulder as I drowned my broken heart in a few shots of Jack Daniels.

“Hey, Cath. Sara,” Nick greets us as he walks in.

“Hey, Nicky.”

God she sounds so cheerful. I wish I could strangle her. But then Gil would hate me. I wrestle with that for a minute and decide I’d rather that he not hate me. Plus I really don’t want to go to jail. I sit across from Catherine. More torture.

“Where’s Gris?” Warrick saunters in and sits down next to Catherine.

“He’s running late,” Catherine informs us. “He’ll be here in a few.”

I grit my teeth. Of course she would know. And again, I conveniently forget that he would always call her and tell her what was up. Ever since I’d come on board she had the inside scoop on Gil Grissom. Probably always had.

“Sara, did you go see that new Denzel flick you were dying to see?” Nick asks as he takes a sip of his coffee.

God, he would have to bring that up. My head pounds harder and I really wish I could have a shot of bourbon in this coffee. Hair of the dog and all. “Um, yeah.” And just because I could, I stare at Catherine. “Went to see it yesterday morning. Eleven o’clock showing.”

Her eyes widen slightly and I hold her gaze, refusing to look away. Do I detect guilt? It’s satisfying to see her gaze falter. I’ve never seen her falter before.

“Sorry I’m late,” Gil says as he walks in and tosses a couple of file folders on the table.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Jesus! She knows. Of all the movie theaters in Vegas, why did she choose that one? That particular showing of that particular movie? So much for keeping our relationship a secret. I feel guilty and I shouldn’t. I didn’t mean to hurt her. There was nothing between them. Or at least on Gil’s part. I know he was attracted to her. But he told me before he ever kissed me that his attraction to her was over. He didn’t think it was wise to get involved with her and her attitude over the last few months had only cemented that view. He also told me that he had always hoped that we would consummate our friendship. Take it to the next level.

And boy did we! I feel my body heat just thinking about the hours we spent in bed. Okay, not just in bed. In the shower, on the couch, the kitchen counter. I think the only place we didn’t christen was his patio. Not that I would object to that. Hell we did the same thing to my house, only instead of the kitchen counter we used the table. Two days and countless orgasms later, I’m a sore but extremely happy woman.

I look down at the magazine I’m holding. Not because I’m afraid of her, but because I don’t want her to see the happiness in my eyes. Why should I make her feel any worse? It must be devastating to her. Hell I know it is. My husband decided to spread his semen around Vegas while he was still married to me. It sucks, but you move on. But she wasn’t dating Gil and she certainly wasn’t married to him. All she could claim was disappointment.

“Sorry I’m late,” Gil says as he walks in and tosses a couple of file folders on the table.

I jerk my head up, startled. I smile weakly at him and close my magazine. “What’s up, Boss?” It’s my normal banter with him, but suddenly after the last two days it takes on a whole new meaning.

He looks at me and shakes his head. “You and Sara are working together on a double homicide out in Henderson. Nick and Warrick get to finish up the Benson case and I get the joys of clearing off my desk.”

God! Not Sara! Anyone but Sara. She’s a good CSI but after this I really think that her and I aren’t going to work well together at all. I risk a glance at her. Okay, judging from that look I might be my own crime scene. Great! I stand and take the file from the table. Vowing to be nice I smile at her. “You want to drive?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Cath, wait up a minute. I’ve got something in my office you need to see.”

Gil, baby, not now. Now is definitely not a good time. Really it’s not. But I can’t resist. “I’ll meet you at the Denali,” I tell Sara and turn to Gil. This is nothing unusual. Gil used to stop me all the time. And if I wasn’t worried about Sara dumping my body in a ravine I wouldn’t have a problem with this now. I followed him down the hall to his office.

“What is it that you needed me to see?” I ask as he shuts the door.

“This.” He pulls me close and kisses me. I forget about Sara, the case and the city of Las Vegas as I wrap my arms around him. He pulls back after a minute and hands me something.

I look down and see a Tootsie Roll Pop in my hand. “What’s this for?”

“A reminder.” He opens the door and all but shoves me out of his office.

I turn to him, a puzzled frown on my face. “Okay, I’m lost.”

Gil grins at me. “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?”

Now I get it. His reference to my question in my Solara. “Oh, definitely more than three,” I answer and then stick my tongue out at him before I turn and leave. Yes, definitely more than three. More than three strokes with my hand, way more than three licks with my tongue. He’s got the control of a porn star when he chooses. Still waters, indeed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t say anything when she climbs in the Denali. What can I say? Out of the corner of my eye I see her flip down the visor and check her appearance in the mirror. Oh yeah, Cath, fix that smeared lipstick. It’s going to take us a while to get to Henderson and I plan to spend it in silence. Nursing my hangover and my self pity.

Yeah, right. It’s been twenty minutes and I can’t stand it any longer. I have to say something. Besides, I really don’t want to hate her. It’s not her fault I’m in love with her lover. I open my mouth to say something, then change my mind. Jesus! I think I never should have come to Vegas. It’s been nothing but heartache for me. I could have stayed in San Francisco and remembered him fondly. Not see for myself that he’d chosen someone else.

“Do you love him?” The question is out before I can take it back. I really don’t think I want to know the answer. Her silence makes me want to slap her. Hell, I want to slap her just because I can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not ignoring her. I heard her question, but I’m pondering my answer. Or whether I should answer at all. Was it really any of her business?

I nod. “Yeah, I do.” And it feels good to say it. To admit it. I’d loved him as a friend for years, but it took him kissing me to realize that I was in love with him. One kiss and I knew. Weird as it is, I never really even thought about him like that. I glance at her, knowing how hard this is on her.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. To rub it in your face like that. We didn’t plan on saying anything to anyone. Not now, and maybe not for a long time. I’m really sorry, Sara.”

I watch as she nods. I can see the tear rolling down her cheek and I feel awful. For her, not for anything else. I love Gil and I’m not going to stop just because her feelings and pride have taken a blow. I can admit that Sara is not my favorite person, but neither do I hate her. Or want to see her hurt. I’ve been there.

“If he’s happy…” she trails off and wipes roughly at her cheek. “Just don’t hurt him.”

I bristle at that. I can’t help it. I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone and I certainly don’t plan on starting with him. I love him too much. I respond more harshly than I need to. “He’s very happy, Sara.” I’m not going to respond to her comment about hurting him.

She nods again but doesn’t say anything. And I’m not going to say any more either. I’m not going to tell Gil about any of this. He’s a sensitive man and I don’t want him to feel bad. This phase of our relationship is new and with all new things it’s fragile. It has to be protected and nurtured.

I refuse to feel any further guilt. There was nothing between them, so it’s not as if I stole her man. She was just going to have to learn to live with it. It won’t be easy and I know there is going to be a lot of tension, but I have a job to do and it doesn’t include tiptoeing around her. I can play nice, but I’m sure as hell not going to give my favorite toy away just because someone else wants it.

I look out the window and smile, remembering the last two days and how quickly my life changed. I just want this shift to be over. Gil is coming over and I’m making him breakfast before getting Lindsey off to school. I stifle a chuckle. I haven’t wanted to cook for a man since the early days with Eddie. And really not even then. I really must be in love. And if feels fantastic.