(It was the time of year the staff hated the most ­ Christmas. Not because of the holiday. They all loved the holiday. Christmas meant that it was time for the department party. And to most members of the Las Vegas Crime Lab, the department party was just about as fun as having all four wisdom teeth pulled.

Without novacaine.

Catherine Willows, Sara Sidle, Warrick Brown and Nick Stokes were some of those individuals. The four of them had been sitting at the bar since they arrived at the festivities. And Gil Grissom, who actually seemed to enjoy the department party ­ much to the surprise of his staff ­ was not sitting with them. He was seated at a table with Jim Brass, probably discussing something work ­ or bug ­ related.

Two boring hours had passed, and the group was getting tired of sitting around.)

NICK: I have an idea.

SARA: Does it involve leaving this sad excuse for a party? Because if it does, I'm all for it.

NICK: Sort of.

WARRICK: Come on, man. What's the idea?

NICK: Well, it's sort of childish, but it could be fun.

CATHERINE: Childbirth is more fun than this.

NICK: Uh, ok. Whatever you say, Cath. I'll...uh...take your word for it.

WARRICK: Stokes, damn man! Would you just spill already?

NICK: Ok, ok. When I went to the bathroom, I saw a door back there. I took a peek inside and there's some sort of small room behind it. It was pretty dark in there so I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I think it's a storage room of some type. I say we get some cocktails, go back there, and...

SARA: (She held her hands up and stopped him mid-sentence.) You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting. Are you?

NICK: Oh, yeah. And risk getting my ass kicked by you? *And* Catherine? Don't think so. I was thinking more along the lines of playing a friendly game of `I Never'.

WARRICK: I like that plan.

SARA: (She laughed.) God, it's been years since I've played.

CATHERINE: Clueless here. What exactly is `I Never'?

NICK: Jeeze, Willows. Weren't you ever a kid?

CATHERINE: No, Nick. I was born an old, boring woman. (She smirked at the junior CSI.) Of course I was a kid. I just didn't have a whole lot of time for games when I was.

SARA: It's actually a drinking game, Catherine. (She lifted her drink and drained it.) People play it in college all the time.

CATHERINE: Well, we pretty much stuck with `Quarters' and `Asshole' in my neighborhood crowd, but I'm good with most games. How do you play?

WARRICK: Basically, we all sit around and try to get each other to admit things that we've done.

CATHERINE: Uh huh. Admit what type of things?

WARRICK: Anything really.

CATHERINE: And how exactly is this done?

NICK: We go around the circle and each person says `I never did such and such' or whatever. If you haven't done such and such, you don't take a shot. If you have, you drink. Piece of cake.

CATHERINE: Sounds simple enough. I don't have much to hide though. I think you'll all be disappointed.

SARA: I thought that too. It usually starts out pretty innocently. `I never lied to my parents.' `I never ate paste in school.' Stuff like that. But you'd be surprised how fast it changes to not-so-innocent questions. (She smiled at her co-workers.)

NICK: So, what's the verdict? You guys wanna play? (He glanced around at the others.)

WARRICK: Yeah.

SARA: Me too. I'm in. I'll get the booze and the shot glasses. (She stood, turned and walked over to the bar.)

WARRICK: Hey, Cath? How about you?

CATHERINE: (She smiled at both men and slid her arms under theirs.) Let's go, boys.

(Sara returned and joined the group. She was having a difficult time juggling two bottles of tequilla and four shot glasses. Warrick grabbed them from her.)

SARA: Hey. What about Grissom? (She jerked her thumb in the direction of their boss. He was still sitting at a table across the room.) Should we invite him?

WARRICK: Are you serious?

SARA: Well, this is a department party. He'll notice if his entire team is missing.

CATHERINE: Yeah, but he won't be looking for any of us any time soon. I can tell just by looking at him that he's completely engrossed in whatever he's discussing with Brass. We should be in the clear for a while. At least an hour, if not more.

WARRICK: Besides, do you really want to hear any of Gris' deep, dark secrets? If he even has any, that is.

SARA: (She shuddered.) Point taken.

NICK: Ok, ok. Enough with the chit chat. Let's vacate this bore.

(The small group glanced around the room to make sure they weren't being watched. When they were sure no one was paying attention, they slipped to the back of the room and through the door. Nick had been right ­ there was a small storage-type room behind it. It was inky black once the door was closed. Sara pulled out her penlight and flipped it on. The small beam sliced through the darkness.)

WARRICK: Jesus, Sidle. Is there ever a time when you don't have something from work on you?

SARA: I believe in always being prepared for anything. It's my motto. (She walked around carefully, shining the small light over the rows of shelves. She found what she was looking for next to a pile of linen napkins.) Ah ha! Candles. (She grabbed them, returned to the group and smirked widely at Warrick.) Be prepared, my friend. Be prepared.

WARRICK: Yeah, yeah.

(The four friends found a semi-secluded spot behind one of the shelving units and sat on the floor. Sara placed the box of candles in the middle of the circle, pulled three out and whipped out a lighter. She lit them and the room filled with a soft yellow light. Warrick filled the shot glasses with tequilla and handed one to each person.)

NICK: Ok, before we start, I'd like to make a new rule.

WARRICK: There aren't any rules, man. Drink for yes, no drink for no. That's it.

NICK: I realize that. But to make it more interesting, and since we're all friends here, I thought we should add a rule that if asked, we give the story behind the question answered.

SARA: Let me get this straight. You ask `I never ate broccoli', I take my shot. You say `when did you eat broccoli', and I say `every day of my life'. (She and Catherine burst into laughter.) Is that what you had in mind?

NICK: Ha ha. Fun-ny. You know what I mean, Sara.

SARA: Of course I do. I was just giving you a hard time, Nicky. I'm ok with that rule. But I'll add that it doesn't have to be a full-blown description. If the person doesn't want to go into intimate details...they don't have to.

NICK: Less fun...but fine by me.

CATHERINE: I'm ok with it.

WARRICK: Cool.

NICK: Ok then, let's play. Who wants to start?

SARA: I will. I never ­ ate paste in grade school.

(They all laughed. The game started off just like any other game of `I Never' ­ lots of silly questions. It lasted for about two rounds ­ but disintigrated quickly after that. By the time the game reached this point, their words were already starting to slur.)

WARRICK: I never ­ masturbated.

SARA: Oh, please.

(Shots ­ all four.)

SARA: Who hasn't?

NICK: Grissom?

CATHERINE: I'm sure he does it a lot more often than you think.

SARA: Thanks for placing that thought into my head, Cath.

CATHERINE: I'm just saying...

WARRICK: Ugh. I need another shot just to get the image of Gris wacking off out of my head.

NICK: Ok, my turn. I never ­ masturbated in front of someone else.

(Shots ­ Sara and Catherine.)

WARRICK: Whoa. Cool.

NICK: I'm impressed ladies. Can we ask for a demonstration? (He received two very sharp glares as a response.) What about explanations?

SARA: It was in college. Chris Adians. We dated for about 6 months. He wasn't very good in bed and I had to make up for his...uh... shortcomings. It was actually during sex...so I wasn't sure if it counted or not.

NICK: It does.

WARRICK: Cath?

CATHERINE: I have a very close male friend. When neither of us is dating anyone, we get together. There was this one time we decided to do the mutual thing. He asked if I'd do it so he could watch...and I did. I asked him to do it for me...he did. I watched. No biggie.

SARA: Hold on a second. Catherine? Are you saying you have a "fuck buddy"?

CATHERINE: I wouldn't say that. We just help each other out occasionally. You know, like say I've had a rough day and need to...uh... relax, I call him. Or vice versa. It doesn't happen a lot. Maybe once every two or three weeks. And we've only had actual sex a handful of times.

WARRICK: Only a handful of times? Does he suck or something?

CATHERINE: No. He's actually very good. It's just that our ­ arrangement ­ really doesn't have that much to do with sex. Sometimes all we do is lay in each other's arms and do nothing. It's more about comfort and friendship...

SARA: And mutual masturbation?

(Warrick and Nick started to laugh. Catherine nodded and laughed along with them.)

NICK: Damn! I swear I never date the right women. Every time I've asked someone to do that, I've gotten slapped. Or dumped. (He paused and shot a mischievious glance at Catherine.) You ever need a fill-in for your friend...give me a call.

CATHERINE: Down boy. I don't perform for audiences anymore ­ I gave that up a long time ago. Besides, it's my turn. I never ­ masturbated at work.

(Shots ­ Nick.)

NICK: Come on. I'm the *only* one?

CATHERINE: Guess so, baby. Looks like everyone else can wait `til they get home.

(Hysterical laughter from Sara and Warrick.)

NICK: Does anyone want an explanation or story?

WARRICK: Pass, man. I don't think I want to know where you were when you...

CATHERINE: Agreed. That's a need to know...and I really don't. Sara, your turn.

SARA: Well, since everyone else asked a question revolving around self-love...I guess I'll stay with the topic too. I never ­ masturbated while thinking about someone *from* work. And I mean the current crime lab...not at a previous job.

(Shots ­ all four.)

CATHERINE: Interesting. But I'm not really surprised. We do have a damn fine looking staff!

WARRICK: I'll drink to that.

(The four friends clinked their shot glasses together and downed an extra shot.)

SARA: Since I asked the question and I know everyone wants the dish on it, I'll go first. It was Nick and Greg.

NICK: Me *and* Greg.

SARA: Not at the same time, you ass. Greg was being really super nice to me during a case. It was sexy. And his hair actually looked normal for once. It was a big plus. (She glanced at Nick and blushed.) You always look good.

WARRICK: Mine...Catherine.

CATHERINE: (She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek.) Thanks, honey. That's so sweet.

SARA: Quit with the kissy kissy. This isn't spin the bottle. (She giggled.)

NICK: Sara *and* Catherine. Oh and that chick that works with Ecklie...I can't remember her name though. Heather? Michelle? Something like that.

SARA: You don't know her name? Big surprise there. I'm amazed you remember our names. (She smirked at him and he punched her playfully in the shoulder.) Catherine?

CATHERINE: The first was Warrick. (She looked at him. His eyes were as wide as saucers. She shrugged.) I saw you working out after shift. You were sweaty ­ you looked really good. I went home and you know the rest.

WARRICK: I was the *first*?

NICK: And who was the second?

CATHERINE: I plead the fifth. (She downed another shot quickly.)

SARA: Can't do that, Cath. Against the rules.

WARRICK: Yep. You have to at least say who it was. Rules are rules.

CATHERINE: Alright, already. Sheesh! I was thinking about Gil, ok?

SARA: Gil.....? Grissom?

NICK: Really? (He received a glare in response to his sing-song tone.) Can we get details on that story?

CATHERINE: Yes, really. And no, you can't. Can we move on?

NICK: Sure thing. But thanks to Catherine, I'm amending my rule. From this point forward...stories are a must. I will be drinking on my question...and will tell my story ­ in detail. But if anyone else drinks, I want to know I won't be alone at story time. And I'll tell detailed stories if I drink on anyone else's from now on. Deal?

(Three nods.)

NICK: Ok. (He took a deep breath.) I never ­ have had a sex dream about someone from night shift.

(Shots ­ Sara, Nick and Warrick.)

SARA: Come on, Catherine. You've never had a sex dream about *anyone* from work?

CATHERINE: Believe it or not, I haven't. I've had dreams about everyone from CSI, but they never involved sex. They were usually about a case or something. But since the three of you bad little kitties have had them ...let's hear the dirt.

WARRICK: Hoo boy. Here we go. Things are about to get really interesting.