"What the hell did you do that for?"

"Let's not do this, Gil." Catherine's gaze lowered to the floor. She reached up and tried to rub the ache from her shoulders. "I don't want things to be this way between us."

"I want to know why you shoved me like that."

"Fine!" Catherine's eyes shot to his as the word left her mouth in a biting scream. Clamping her lips tightly together, she mentally counted to ten. The situation was already heated ­ there was no reason for her to make it worse by feeding into it through yelling at him. When she spoke again, her voice was still sharp, but more controlled. "You're upset. You're drunk."

"Yes. I am. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Would you just shut up and listen to me! You want an explanation, let me give you one!"

Catherine's fury resurfaced. The urge to slap Gil across the face rose up within her and she spun away so her back was to him. It took every single ounce of will power she had, but she managed to get herself back into control.

"Gil, we're friends. Best of. We have been for a very long time. This friendship between us...it's not normal. God, I mean...it's something special. We know each other better than anyone else. Sometimes, well, sometimes it almost feels like we're the same person. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something ­ more ­ for you. Something beyond this. That we could be more than friends and I think you feel the same way."

A lump formed in Catherine's throat and she paused once again. She sighed wearily and turned back to face him, her eyes settling on his. When she spoke, her words were laced with a sad bitterness.

"But I'll be damned if I let this happen right now ­ like this. I want to be with you, Gil. I really do. But as much as I want this, it's not going to happen. No way. I won't allow it. It's not going to be like this between us."

"Like what?" Gil stood unsteadily, his arms crossed over his torso. His voice still held a hint of hostility.

"I don't want things to be the way they were with Ed. Drunk. Violent. Emotionless. It can't be that way." Her tone softened. "Not between us. You're a better person than that. You know it and I know it."

Gil stared at her, his gaze clouding over with confusion.

"We could have something perfect, Gil, if we handle things the right way." Her voice wavered slightly. "But if this ­ whatever we have between us ­ is handled wrong, we could lose everything. Including our friendship. And I'm not willing to lose that. Not for anything. I told you a long time ago that I don't have many regrets. The ones I do have ­ are big. And I don't want you to be a regret, Gil. And I don't want to become one for you."

Catherine watched as Gil's expression shifted. Shame stole the color from his face as realization began to fill him.

"I don't want this ­ us ­ to be a mistake. Something you did because you were upset and drunk. Something I did to make you forget about your pain for just a short amount of time. You would never forgive yourself if you treated me like Ed did, and I would never forgive myself if I lost your friendship over allowing it to happen."

"God, Catherine." Gil's chin dropped to his chest and he leaned back against the sofa. "I'm so sorry. Ugh! How stupid and childish! I don't know what's that matter with me." He paused again and reached up to rub at his eyes, his head shaking back and forth. "No, wait. I do know. This thing...this disease. I'm so scared of it."

Gil's eyes lifted and met Catherine's. Nodding, she continued to rub the ache from her shoulders and waited for him to speak again.

"I'm scared of what it's going to do to me...to my career. I feel so helpless. I've been a CSI forever. It's all I know. I can't imagine being anything else. And how can I be a CSI if I can't hear?" Catherine heard his voice catch. He cleared his throat and continued. "But honestly, I think the thing I'm most afraid of is being alone. I don't want to be alone, Catherine. Just the thought of it terrifies me."

"Gil, don't you understand? You'll never be alone. Sara. Nick. Warrick. They are all your friends...and they always will be. Whether you can hear or not. And me." She stepped forward and reached out to brush her fingers over his cheek. "I'll be here for you. Always. No matter what happens."

Gil grasped her hand tightly and held it against his skin.

"I'm so sorry, Cath. You know that I would never do anything...things would never be...that way. I couldn't hurt you. Not ever. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know." Her eyes slipped closed as he pressed light kisses on the back of her hand. His lips were warm and soft. Catherine felt his arms go around her and she folded up against him. Gil's hand slipped into her hair and he hugged her close.

"You're my best friend, Catherine." His voice was whisper soft and choked with emotion. "I care about you so much. More than I care about myself. God, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. Where I'd be without you."

Catherine could only nod. Tears were threatening to form behind her eyes and she feared they would appear if she spoke. She pressed her face into her friend's chest and inhaled his scent.

It was there.

Beneath the booze and the cigarettes. That familiar `Gil' smell she had come to know over the years ­ soap and soft, masculine cologne. The smell that had gotton her through the long nights after Ed had smacked her around ­ the nights she had run to Gil for comfort.

Comfort. That's what Gil smelled like ­ comfort. She held her breath, not wanting to let go of it.

"I'd better go." Gil hugged her once more, inhaled and expelled the air from his lungs in a long, slow sigh. He released her and turned away. Catherine's eyes flew open and she watched him for a moment before speaking. It was apparent that he was still drunk. His gait was unsteady and halting.

"Gil."

"Yes?" He stopped, hand on the doorknob, and glanced over his shoulder at her.

"I can't let you go."

"I've done enough already, Cath." Gil ran his fingers through his hair and turned around to face her. "I don't want to press my luck."

"You can't go, Gil. You're too drunk to drive."

"I'll call a cab."

"No. Stay. Here with me. Tonight." She held her hand out to him and smiled.