~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You never looked so good
As you did last night underneath the city lights.
There, walking with your friend,
Laughing at the moon,
I swear you looked right through me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He looked up. I saw him look up at me and then look back down without any acknowledgment. I know he saw me, I smiled at him and mouthed "hi." Why does he act like this? I just don't understand sometimes. Is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

But I'm still living with your goodbye.
And you're just going on with your life.
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

No, I didn't do anything wrong. It's just Gil being Gil and I know that. I think I expect too much from him sometimes. Like remembering. He never remembers. He's done it plenty of times before, but the thing that I remember when I look at him is that night. I remember it perfectly. It was like a dream, but so real at the same time. It was June, 1991, fifteen years ago. Eddie was playing with his band at Club Synergy and thought I was working.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain:
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall,
Like we never loved at all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

But I wasn't working. And neither was Gil. It wasn't expected, it's not like I planned on being an adulteress or anything. He came over to help me paint the bedroom. Yeah, real smart of me, asking him to help me paint the bedroom. Seriously, the room has bed right in it. And even though it wasn't expected, I had still thought about it. The attraction was undeniable, I just thought I had enough self- control to stay away. We started painting, ending up getting into a paint fight and we got a little too wound up, if you know what I mean. Our first kiss was so soft. I didn't know something so soft could turn into something so rough and fast. I remember that I got paint in my mouth when I was kissing his neck. I thought it tasted awful. He thought it was funny. Go figure.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You, I hear you're doing fine.
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell.
Time is leaving us behind.
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After we had our wild, crazy paint sex, we moved into the shower to get all that paint off. It wasn't so wild and crazy in there, it was like slow motion. We had sex in the bedroom, we made love in that shower, and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever felt. It's sad when you cheat on your husband and your lover is so much better then he is, but I guess that's the entire point of cheating isn't it?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tell me what your secret is
To letting go, letting go like you did.
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We finished in the shower, and dried each other off. Then we moved back to the bedroom. We just couldn't get enough of each other. Then we heard a door slam. It was time to panic, Eddie was home. Gil threw on his clothes in record timing, I remember, it took him a total of 25 seconds to get on his pants and shirt, and jump out the window. I put on a robe and jumped back into bed with a magazine just in time before Eddie walked through the door. I smiled innocently at him and he walked over, placing a soft kiss on my cheek. Then he began to kiss my lips and we ended up having sex. The guilt was almost too much for me to handle, to have had sex with another man twice and then have sex with your husband immediately after, anyone with a conscious would feel horrible. And my Jimminy Cricket was working overtime.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain:
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall,
Like we never loved at all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I never told Eddie, obviously. But when he accused me of having been with Gil, I never denied it. I know he accused Gil as well, numerous times. I've heard him before. I never heard Gil deny it either, we just shrugged him off, told him to go away. I guess I felt a little better when I found out Eddie had cheated on me. The guilt wasn't all on me anymore. And I felt a hell of a lot better when Eddie didn't care about it. I felt horrible for 10 years of my life, having known I had cheated on him once. He cheated on me multiple times and he never apologized when I caught him with that woman.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
Did you ever miss me?
Long to kiss me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gil and I never talked about that night. We never even said "Let's never talk about it again." We just never did. Even through all of Eddie's accusations, we never mentioned it once. And that sort of hurt. Who am I kidding? It really hurts. Even now, 15 years later, I never got over it. He's probably forgotten, he walks past me in the hall and doesn't think anything of that night, while it's all I can think about. Now I'm sitting in my office, thinking about it obsessively. What is really pathetic is that I do this often, replay that night over and over in my mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And he acts like we never loved at all.

The End