**I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart**

The dayshift just ended and it had been one long day. Catherine gathered all her things and shut her locker door. I need to get out of here. I can't breathe around here. I need to get out, Catherine thought to herself as she walked out of the building. It was not so much the work getting to her—she was used to seeing dead bodies and grizzly cases—it was Gil.

**And he's taken just all that I had**

In the last month, her and Grissom had not been on speaking terms. Actually, it was Catherine who wasn't talking to Grissom—he just didn't talk. He hurt her too much.

Catherine couldn't stand the tension between her and Grissom any longer and jumped at the chance to work the dayshift when they became short handed. It was only a temporary situation until the dayshift hired more people. She would work with Ecklie for a month until they found a replacement. The dayshift was not nearly as interesting as nightshift, but if it got her away from the awful tension of Grissom, then she would do it. She also did not want the graveshift team to fall apart because of her and Grissom's problem.

Catherine never ran away from her problems, in fact, she faced them head on—it's what made her a fighter. But with Grissom, it was different. This was a problem she could not face on. She didn't know how to fix and if she ever needed with a problem—Grissom was always the one to help her. Now he was gone.

He probably doesn't even think about me anymore, Catherine thought as she drove the car in the opposite direction of her house. Lindsey was away with her sister, Nancy, for a couple of days and she didn't want to go back to a lonely house and depress herself with thoughts of Gil. She decided to go to drive to Lake Mead. It was beautiful there and it might give her the peace she needed in the state she was in. How did things get so screwed up? How did we let it come to this? Catherine flashed back to the events that transpired a month before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know**

Catherine showed up at Gil's doorstep as usual. They usually spent their nights off together—Grissom arranged their nights to both be off. But lately, Gil was spending more and more time buried in his casework and accepting guest speaker positions in UNLV biology department, which was eating up more of his time—the little time they had to spend together. He already cancelled dates the last three weeks because of his commitments. It's not that Catherine minded, it made Gil happy and she was proud of all his accomplishments. She just wanted Gil to appreciate her more and try to be sensitive of the fact that he was neglecting their relationship. Catherine felt neglected, but did not say anything to Gil because she did not want to start a fight. She loved Gil and she wanted to him to be happy.

Tonight was special though. It's 8 months today, Catherine thought as she walked to his doorstep, I wonder what he's got planned.Every month, they celebrated the day they both let their feelings known for each other. Catherine let herself in with the spare key into his townhouse and looked for Gil. Catherine went into the kitchen and found the note from Gil—"Cath—had to go down to school for a short meeting with Professor Drumpit. Be back in an hour and a half. "

"That's just great. I am here wasting an hour and a half." Catherine went back into the living room and plopped into the comfy couch. Suddenly, Catherine came up with an idea. She was going to surprise Gil with a romantic dinner and movie when he came home. He would probably like that. He has been working so hard lately, Catherine smiled and went out to get buy the romantic dinner (hell, she couldn't cook worth crap) and she was going to get a movie they could both enjoy together—"The Rundown" with the Rock. She and Gil enjoyed funny action movies.

~~~~~~~~~~~An hour and half later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Catherine was lighting the last candle on the table. She was dressed in her sexiest outfit—a red halter dress with matching red shoes. She ordered an Italian feast from Gil's favorite restaurant and rented the movie. She couldn't wait to see the look on Gil's face when he saw what she set up for the evening.

"He should be in any moment now. Where is he?" Catherine paced in the dining room before settling down in the living room and turning on the tv. After an hour of waiting for Grissom, Catherine decided to call him on his cell. Drat. His voice mail. Maybe I should go down to the school and check on him. He is in the science building. What room number did he say he was in again? He's taken me before with him…what was the number…number...umm…192. Catherine covered up the food and blew all the candles (all that lighting for it to be blown out-ggggrrr)

When she got to the campus, she saw the Tahoe parked in front of the science building. Catherine was about to get out of the car when she saw Grissom's familiar figure walking out of the doorway. Catherine smiled and was about to open the door and walk out to greet him. The figure that walked alongside him was not who she was expecting—Lady Heather. Lady Heather was someone Grissom had a fling with briefly during a case, but he told Catherine that it was never anything more than that.

Grissom and Lady Heather were walking towards the Tahoe and he opened the door for her to get in and Catherine saw her give him a kiss on the cheek. He was supposed to be here with Professor Drumpit. Why did he lie to me? Is he going out with Lady Heather behind my back? Catherine could not get her hand to open the car door. Though she tried hard not to cry, the tears were brimming in her eyes as she watched Grissom drive away with Lady Heather in the passenger seat. I have to confront him. I need to know what is going on. With that, Catherine started the car and headed back to Grissom's house.

**The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's the worst**

~~~~~~~~~~30 minutes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Catherine was waiting in the dark when Gil finally pulled up in his driveway 30 minutes later. Gil seemed startled when he found Catherine sitting on the couch, frowning.

"Hey, why are you sitting in the dark? What's this?" Gil walked over to the dining table and looked under the covers of the Italian dinner she had bought for him. "Babes, you did this for me?" Gil was walking towards the couch to hug her from behind when Catherine stood up abruptly and pulled away. Gil looked at her confused.

"Gil, where were you tonight? I thought you said you were going to be back in a hour and half." Catherine was facing away from him and her voice started to quiver.

"Um…sorry about that. The meeting ran a bit longer thanexpected with George. You know how it is when the two of us get together…" Gil gave a nervous laugh. Catherine was still not facing him.

"I saw you two together…" Catherine's whispered. She was still not facing Grissom.

"You saw me?"

"Yes…you and her. Together."

"Oh". Grissom got quiet. She caught him—but it wasn't what she thought it was. He had to explain it to her. Grissom walked over to Catherine and tried to hug her, but all the pent-up frustration inside exploded.

"You told me it was a meeting…with the Professor and low and behold, I find you gallivanting off with that woman! Is that who you have been seeing when you have to do "lectures" or "meetings" with the Professor?! Is that why you have been so busy the last two weeks to even be with me? I thought you were different Gil Grissom…but you are no different than Eddie" Catherine wailed out to Grissom.

This statement made Grissom angry. He sat down on the couch and looked at Catherine, who was now sobbing uncontrollably and said in a low tone, "So you think I am just like Eddie now? You don't even know what happened—"

"I saw it with my own two eyes. You should have just told me." With that, Catherine picked her purse and ran out of the house. She was sobbing while driving home. It's over. He doesn't want me.

The next couple of days were the worst. Catherine came down with the flu and couldn't report to work for a week—which was ok for her, she didn't want to face Grissom. He never even called to check how she was doing. The first day back on the job, Grissom barely looked at her and didn't say a word. He just handed her the assignment slip and paired her off with Sara. Sara noticed the tension between Catherine and Grissom but did not say anything. The next day, Brass asked her to help with the dayshift which Catherine complied with eagerly. She didn't want to face Grissom--she didn't what to do.

**I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know**

Catherine watched the sun begin to set over Lake Mead. She forgot how peaceful it was out here. Should I have let Gil tell me what was between him and Lady Heather? No, I can't. I am afraid of what his answer would be. Tears started to spill from her eyes. Suddenly the shrill ring of her cell phone was going through the air.

"Willows". Catherine tried to downplay her voice so the caller wouldn't figure out she was crying.

"Hi Cath, it's Sara. I heard you were helping out the dayshift for a bit and we all wanted to tell you we missed you." There was a lot of commotion in the background. Hmm, that's weird. It's not normally that noisy in the lab. Suddenly, the phone sounded like it was getting wrestled over and Catherine hears Sara's distant, "Hey I wasn't finished you two" , in the background. Maybe it's the guys causing all that ruckus.

Warrick's smooth voice filled the line. "Hi Cath, it's Warrick. You need to come back here. The graveshift is not the same without you. I am about to kick Ecklie's ass for taking you away from us."

"I will be back in a week. The dayshift needed me and I just wanted to see how daytime crimes are different from graveshift crimes. I miss you all too." Catherine smiled. She missed all of them, too. They were her second family.

"Cath, are you okay? You sound like you have been crying?" Warrick's voice filled with concern.

"No, no…I am okay. I am just a bit tired. Hehe" Catherine tried to put a light chuckle in to not worry Warrick. She wasn't even sure if the team knew the problem that was going on with her and Grissom.

She heard the phone rustling again and this time, Nick's Texan accent filled the phone. "Hi Catherine! We miss you….please come back. We need you to get Greg off of us…without you, he has no one else to flirt with and since Sara is seeing someone else...he wants to follow us wherever we go!" Nick's laughter floated through the phone and for the first time since the problem with Gil broke out, Catherine found herself laughing.

"I will be back soon. I promise. The thing with the dayshift is just temporary."

Catherine heard the phone rustling for a third time and it was Sara again. "Sorry, Tweedledee and Tweedledummy snatched the phone away from me. Hey Cath, we want you to know we are here for you." Catherine had to ask.

"Is Gil there? How is he doing?" There was a silence on the line. "Umm, Cath….he has been distracted. He actually asked for the last two days off. Something about being sick. I am in charge until he comes back." Catherine could hear Nick and Warrick yelling "No, she's not" as Sara hissed for them to shut up.

"Oh, ok. Well I better let you go. I know you are all busy. Thanks for calling me. I love you guys." A chorus of "We love you" rang back at her as she hung up the phone. They are a good bunch of kids. I miss them. I miss Gil. No, stop thinking about him. Maybe that sick thing is actually an excuse to be with Lady Heather.

**The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's the worst**

A fresh bunch of tears started behind her eyes and Catherine started crying again. She kept crying until the sun set. When her eyes were finally tired of crying, Catherine decided to go home. It had been a long day and her body was still not use to being awake during the day and going to sleep at night. The graveshift is definitely for me.

**I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know**

Catherine turned on the radio while driving home. It was playing "The First Cut is the Deepest" by Sheryl Crow. Catherine felt drawn to the song. Yeah, Gil Grissom definitely cut me a wound and it's not going to heal anytime soon. Catherine loved Gil the first time she laid eyes on him. She never thought her feelings would ever be reciprocated and would have been fine being best friends. Catherine knew she would never be happy with any man as long as her feelings for Gil Grissom was there—and she made poor choices in men to prove it.

Catherine pulled up to her driveway. The sooner you get over Gil, the sooner you can go back to normal. Normal. Normal. What was normal before Gil? Gil was normal for me. Catherine sighed a sad sigh as she opened the door to her house and was surprised by the sight that beheld her.

There was Gil sitting on her couch in the dark waiting for her—the way she was that day a month ago in his house. His face looked haggard and there were more worry lines around his eyes—the eyes she loved so much.

**The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's the worst**

Catherine tried to be strong. She wouldn't let him upset her. She wouldn't let him know how lonely she had been without him. She did intend on letting him know how much he hurt her.

"What are you doing here?" Catherine croaked as she walked past him into the dining room. She waited for his next response. When there was no response, feeling tired and all cried out, "Look Gil, if you came here just to upset me…please go. You have already done enough to hurt me with your lies."

Gil stood up from the couch and turned to face her. He had tears in his eyes. "You never let me explain to you about what you saw…that day." He started walking towards her until they were 5 feet apart. It was enough to see his face upclose, but not enough for him to touch her.

"Yes, I did lie about Lady Heather. A couple of days before you …saw..us..together at the school, she came to me. She said still had feelings for me and I don't know. She was on my mind…Iwasn't sure if I had feelings for her, so I agreed to see her. She came to see me at the school after my meeting with George. We talked for a bit….and she tried to kiss me—but I didn't let her. The whole time we were talking, I was thinking about you and how it was our 8 months that day…I wanted to take you out. I …I…didn't think you were going to see us at school." Grissom came closer to Catherine and took her hand in his. As he got closer, Catherine could see the tears in his eyes starting to spill.

"I am sorry. I didn't know if I should tell you. I didn't know what to tell you. I had to be sure…because I wanted to start a new life with you. I am sorry that I was not honest about it." Gil started to sob uncontrollably in front of Catherine. He sank down to his knees, wrapped his arms around her waist, and buried his head against her stomach.

"I am sorry, Catherine. I am sorry that I didn't fix our problem right away. I didn't know what to do. I knew I did something wrong…for lying to you and not telling you the truth. I know I should have told you right away…I should have run after you when you left my house. I should have called when you were sick, but I thought you hated me and would not want to listen to me….Then you went to dayshift…I didn't know what to do. But you have to know…I never felt for her what I felt for you. You have to know that." Gil kept sobbing into her stomach. "Please…take me back. I should …" Gil's words started become inaudible because of his sobbing.

The whole time Grissom made his confession, Catherine started to cry. She couldn't believe it—she still had more tears to spill after the load she did at Lake Mead. She put her hand in his hair and stroke his head. Grissom started to calm down as Catherine continued to stroke his head. Catherine unwrapped his arms around her and knelt down in front of him. His eyes were blotchy red and his nose was puffed up from all the crying. His shoulders were slumped down as he continued to tear a bit.

"You must think I am a big baby now for blubbering this way." Grissom said as he sniffed and looked away from her.

Catherine put both hands to his face and turned it to look her in the eyes. "You are not. You should have seen me at Lake Mead. I think I added 20 gallons of my tears to the lake," Catherine gave a nervous laugh and continued to hold his gaze. "Do you mean what you said? You never felt for her the way you do for me?"

"I know about the crying. I saw you at Lake Mead." Grissom smiled sheepishly as Catherine's eyes widened. "I followed you. That is why I took the two days off. To watch you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to be with you even if you I wasn't holding you or near you. This makes me sound such like a stalker from the cases we investigate."Grissom smiled at Catherine as a smile broke out on her own face. Imagine Gil…stalking me. Wait. Not the right word. Watching over me.

Grissom continued, "I meant every word. I love you and I want us to build a new life—together. I told the Professor that I can't do anymore guest speaker positions for a while. I need to prove to the woman I love that I will do anything to make our relationship work. I haven't been a very good to you lately. Lady Heather knows about how I feel about you and understands. She said she always knew you had something over me that she could never compare to." Grissom took both her hands and inched closer to her so that their faces were an inch apart.

"And what is that?" Catherine whispered. Grissom didn't answer, but instead put his hands gently on her face and gave her the most heartwarming kiss that gave her the answer she needed.

"Do I still need to answer that?" Grissom asked as he pulled away from her as she gazed lovingly into his eyes.

"Yeah. It wouldn't hurt to hear it." Catherine dove in for another kiss before letting Grissom answer.

"She isn't you. No one is. You are one of a kind in my eyes." Grissom pulled her into for another quick kiss and then pulled himself up and scooped her up in his arms. He brought over to the table.

Catherine was surprised to see the table was set with the Italian feast she ordered a month ago (not the one from a month ago, Grissom ordered a new set). As Grissom put her down on her feet and wrapped his arms from behind her, "This was to make up for a month ago. I think we are on our 9th month now, right?"

Catherine turned around to face him and gave him a lingering kiss for her appreciation. "Thank you. This is wonderful. Is this your way of making up for last month?"

Grissom let her go and walked into the kitchen to retrieve something, leaving Catherine to wonder what else he had in store for her. He came back out with three bouquets of peach roses and dvd in his hands.

He handed the first bouquet and said, "I", handed the second bouquet, "love", and gave her the third bouquet, "you". Catherine had her hands fill of sweet smelling roses and laughed while new tears—tears of joy—filled her eyes.

"And what if I turned you away? What would you have done with this dinner and the roses?"

"Well you could have made potpourri with the roses and I would have stayed outside your house until you took me back." Grissom smiled and took the roses out of her hands and locked her a powerful embrace. "I hope you are coming back to the graveshift. It's not the same without you. You are not only my partner in life, but in fighting crime. Say you'll come back?" Grissom looked at her with puppy dog eyes.

"I will, I will. The dayshift is ok—but it is nothing compared to being with you and our team." Catherine pulled him for another kiss.

Grissom pulled the dvd off the table and showed them to her. "Still up for the Rock?" said Grissom with a smile and Catherine pulled him for another lingering kiss.

"I am up for anything as long as I am with you," said Catherine as Gil held out the chair for her to start their romantic 9 month dinner.

**Try to love again**

~The End