"I'm leaving," I said as I looked him straight in the eye. He looked at me with his mouth and eyes wide open. He just…stared and did not say a word.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say what I think you just said?" he asked me after a while.

"You heard me."

"I'm not sure I heard you correctly. Say it again."

"Why?"

"Humor me," he said. His blue eyes locked into mine.

This is harder than I thought it would be. To gather the courage to be upfront with him, just now, was hard enough. To tell him that twice? I'd probably die of a heart attack later, then I would really leave him for good. Be strong, Catherine Willows. Don't cry. Don't you *dare* cry, I thought to myself.

"I. Am. Leaving. L-E-A-V-I-N-G. Leaving. Got it? Is that clear enough for you, Gil Grissom?" Whoa, girl! Stay calm, stay cool. No need to get too emotional here. Just take a deep breath. That's it. Just keep breathing.

"Why?" he asked me softly. The look in his eyes almost broke my resolve to be strong. He was in shock, I could tell. His normally calm deep blue eyes now look sorrow and troubled. I couldn't stand too see him like this.

"What is this? Twenty questions? I told you I'm……"

"Why, Catherine?" he cut me in with a shout. His jaw locked tight. I knew that he was struggling to keep his temper in control.

"Because…because…" Just say it, Catherine. You have come this far. This is a shitty time to chicken out, I said to myself.

I looked down at the floor. Then back at him again. His blue eyes seethed with anger. I quickly drop my eyes back to the floor. My eyes traveled everywhere but at him.

"Because…" I tried again. Just say it, damn it! Get this over with. I was never lost for words before. I never had any trouble expressing my feelings vocally before, no matter how unpleasant it was. I can't do this. I need to get out of here. I turned around to leave.

"Cath…" he pleaded.

~ I'm not a perfect person, there are many things I wish I didn't do but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you and so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know~

I looked at him over my shoulder. I couldn't bear to lose myself in his eyes.

"I'm leaving because of you, Gil," I said it loud enough for him to grasp each word…and leave the room before he had the chance to say anything.

~I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be a reason to start over new, and the reason is you~