~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saying goodbye
is never an easy thing
but you never said
that you’d stay forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Cath!” he greeted me with a smile as I entered the break room

“Hey Warr! How’s your case doing?”

“I’m just tying up some loose ends”

“Good.”

“Okay, well, I’ll go ahead”

“Okay”

I watch Warrick’s retreating back. I never thought we could be like these again. When I broke up with him a few months ago, well I expected for the worst to happen, thankfully it didn’t.

I didn’t want to keep on lying, I don’t want to be unfair to him, or to myself, so I broke up with him, I love him, I really did love him but, as time passes by my love for him changed. I love him just like a brother. I can hold him when he needs someone, lie with him when he wants to, but I can’t hold him with a lover’s arm, not like that. And I can’t keep on lying to him. I explained everything to him, and I saw how much I have hurt him, but I would have hurt him more if I kept it any longer.

Now we’re doing okay, we’re back at being friends, though not as close as before, we still are friends, and it takes time to heal wounds.

At last, I have found peace. It feels so great to be free and to be true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So if you must go,
Oh! Darling I set you free,
but I know in time
that we’ll be together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey boss”

“What do you have for me?”

“I contacted the doctor who gave the man a surgery, I asked her if we can talk to her, she say its okay”

“But the doctor isn’t from Vegas, according to Mr. Harper”

“Yea, she just flew in, turns out she has a job here to attend to, she’s in Dessert Palms right now, I told her we’d meet her in an hour”

“Well then, let’s go”

As I drive our way to the hospital, I can’t explain but I’m having this feeling. Like something’s about to happen. It’s been a long time since I had this feeling, and now it just makes me more nervous, coz usually when I get a feeling like this, well, I’m usually right. Something really does happen.

“Cath, you okay?”

“Yea Nick I’m fine.” I offer him a light smile just to assure him that I’m okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I won’t try
to stop you now from leaving
'Cause in my heart I know

Love will lead you back

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we enter the doors of the hospital, the chills that I feel and the pounding of my heart gets heavier.

Oh god, what if something happened to Lindsay?

I grab my phone and dial my sister’s.

“Hello”

“Hey sis, I’m sorry to wake you - ”

“What’s the matter sis?”

“Could you check on Linds. I’m just having this weird feeling”

“I just checked on the kids, she’s still sleeping”

“Oh. Okay, thanks sis, bye”

“Bye”

Maybe I’m just a little paranoid. Oh, look at the time, we might get late.

“Cath, what’s happening to you?”

“I’m having this weird feeling, but never mind”

“Okay. Dr. Kings’ office is in the third floor”

The weird feeling I’m having is getting more intense.

“Ms. Willows, Mr. Stokes, Dr. Kings’ is ready for you” the nurse is letting us in after that fifteen minutes of waiting.

“Thank you miss” Nick thanked the nurse with a little too friendly smile. Nick, always the ladies man!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms,
where you belong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I go inside with a smile on my face, I meet the doctors eyes, and just like that my smile vanished and I think my heart just stopped beating for a second.

“Catherine”

“Angela.”

“Oh, um, you guys old friends?”

“I didn’t know ­ Uh. I talked to Mr. Stokes, I was not informed you’d be coming”

I’m looking intently at her, informed? What do you mean informed?

“If you were, what would’ve you done?”

“Well, I’d be prepared and not be surprised”

“Well, I’m more surprised than you. What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Chicago?”

“Uh. Ehem. Um, Catherine could I talk to you for a sec? Excuse us doctor” Nick leads me out the room and I reluctantly go with him. Nick has no idea of Angela, but I think the mention of Chicago and the look in my eyes, he was able to put two and two together.

“Cath, if you want I can do the interview alone”

“No. WE are going to do it. I can’t let my pass take over me again”

With that I go inside again to face her. And the past is coming back to me again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again, it won’t be long,
one of these days our love will lead you back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As she continue to discuss to us all her findings on Mr. Harper, well, I’m really trying to concentrate on what she’s saying and not on the desk calendar in front of me where a very familiar date is encircled with a red marker pen … “Gil’s Birthday”.

I can’t help but to stare at it. It’s next week. I wonder how he is now, and obviously they are still in touch. What am I saying? They’re together!

So what if Gil was telling me the truth that she is a doctor, that still doesn’t mean they’re not together, maybe he didn’t cheat on me, maybe they are together just now. But frankly, so what? Why do I care? It’s none of my god damn business!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of these nights,
ooh! I’ll hear your voice again,
you’re gonna say,
Ooh! How much you missed me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you guys, have anymore questions?”

“Cath” Nick looks at me and I shake my head, “No. Thank you for you’re time Dr. Kings”

Nick stands up to shake hands with her, and I do too.

Nick and I turn to leave, “I noticed you were staring at my desk calendar” I turn back around to face her. “I just noticed something”

“Gil’s birthday you mean?”

“How is he?” the words came out before I could even contemplate, how I wish to take them back. But, what can I do, I really want to know.

“Bad.” Angela looks at me and we’re eye to eye again, I hear the door clicked and I know that Nick left.

“Bad?”

“He has cancer.” Oh god, what? How? When? What?!!?!

“Wha ­ “

“Brain cancer”

How can she say this so casually? She’s fixing the folders on top of her desk, while I’m here and I my mind is having a hard time to comprehend this new knowledge.

“That’s why he left you”

“Excuse me”

“He found out he has brain tumor, he got scared, he didn’t want you to worry, and went to different doctors for their opinions. Then the tumor became cancer.” She stops to look at me before she speaks again, “He went to Chicago to see me, it was really hard coz he stalled a little too long that the cancer is spreading already. He didn’t want you to know anything”

I think I’m going to faint.

I feel Angela’s hands on my arm; she leads me back to where I was seated.

“Do you want me to continue?”

No I don’t. I’m passed this, I have a good life now, but in spite of my reasoning I nod.

I hear her sigh deeply, “He was doing great, he had so much will to leave. Then you came, he still didn’t want you to know, so he wanted you to leave him.”

Why?

“When you left knowing that he cheated on you, well, he lost it”

Lost it? What do you mean he lost it? I look back straight at her again.

“He didn’t want to live. He lost all his will and hope. And no matter how I tried to help him, and no matter how many chemo, and medication I give him, well, it won’t work”

Won’t work? How will it not work? That is so illogical!

I bow my head a little; so many questions are tickling my mind.

“This may sound fictional, but really having the will to live plays a very big role for a patients recovery”

And I just nod.

“Anyways, I convinced him that it would be best if he just told you, then a few weeks later he came back and well, he said you have a new life - ”

“Where is he now?”

“He’s back in his townhouse”

And I know what I have to do.

“Catherine! Where are you going!?” I hear Nick’s voice calling, but I don’t care. I have no more time. I have to go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’ll walk out this door,
But someday you’ll walk back in,
and darling I know ooh!
I know this will be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What have I done? He tried to tell me but I kept pushing him away. He was saying sorry, but I had too much pride I wouldn’t even listen. But this can’t be all me! Why didn’t he tell me about it earlier? Why keep it a secret for so long?

I’m not sure how, but somehow I managed to get to his place safely. I didn’t even noticed it, I’ve been too consumed on my thoughts, yet I’m already here standing in front of his door. It’s been so long since I came here, but it looks like my subconscious would never forget the way.

I ring the door bell, there’s no answer. I ring it again. Nothing. One last ring then I’m out of here… but before I can even reach for the button…

“Catherine!!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes it takes,
sometime you on your own now
to find your way back home...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=TBC=