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by Sab | ||
| Disclaimer: I own nothing! CSI, the characters and the song used are all borrowed for pure entertainment. The song used is "This is how I feel" by Pinay & Drop N harmony. Rating: CSI-2 (ratings might change) Summary: Catherine is torn between two lovers A/N: Hey group! Its been a while since I’ve written anything, and I hope you’d like this. This fic is dedicated to my friend sli chi, who has been asking me to post something, and thanks a lot to Leigh Ann for the beta. Feedbacks will be greatly appreciated! A/N2: This chap is of alternating POVs. (* *) – Warrick, (* * *) – Catherine. | ||
| Chapter 1 | ||
* * Months ago, a good friend of mine nearly died. That was when I realized how short life really is. And I didn’t want to waste anymore time. Back then I had a girlfriend, and things were unbelievably great between us, so I decided to take the risk: I proposed and we got married a few weeks later. A lot of people were surprised, I couldn’t blame them for that, but they were happy for me. And I was happy with the decision that I made. ----------------------------------- * * * Months ago, a good friend of mine got married. You could say that I got somewhat upset, and was definitely disappointed. You see, I had a thing for my friend, and for quite some time, I was sure he felt the same way. Aside from the fact that we flirted a lot, we also had chemistry and we were open to each other. We could talk- really talk, like best friends could. And, at the same time, we were affectionate- in our own way, friendlier than friendly as they say. Innocent hugs that lingered too long, a touch of our hands here, brushing of our shoulders there and then there were the simple glances and smiles that gave me butterflies. I guess I just thought that there was something… ----------------------------------- * * Months ago, a good friend of mine confessed. It was after I told her of my marriage, that she admitted, or rather made a statement implying her feelings for me. I’ve always admired this friend of mine; you can say that I had a thing for her, an undeniable attraction. We flirted a lot, true, but I never thought of it more than what it was, since flirting was like second nature to both of us. We somehow worked things out after that. She said she was happy for me, and you know, I think she really was. ----------------------------------- * * * Months ago, a good friend of mine asked me out on a date. We have been friends for only God knows how long; he’s actually one of the constant things in my life. Going to breakfast, lunch, dinner and sometimes- just coffee together was nothing new to us. But then, for some reason, while we were making our way to our cars after shift, instead of asking me to grab a bite, or join him for breakfast, he actually used the “d” word. He asked me to go out on a date with him, and I said yes. We had a fantastic time, which led to a kiss and then to a second date. ----------------------------------- * * Months ago, my good friend told me some news. We were having breakfast after a loaded case, and we were both just relieved to have finally closed it. This was when my good friend admitted to me that she had feelings for another friend of ours – our former lab tech that was- and still is known for his eerie antics. I was surprised with this revelation. Its not that I didn’t think it was possible for her to fall for him, it’s just that I never thought she’d ever get over her infatuation with our boss. And this was how I found out the news– the mention of our boss’s name led her to confirm to me that the rumors were indeed true: that our introvert boss and our extrovert friend were officially a couple. ----------------------------------- * * * Months ago, my good friend stayed overnight. It was on our fourth date when we finally took things to the “next level”. Since then, we just haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other. I – no, wait, I mean WE were insatiable. All, or rather most of our *activities* happened in his condo/ townhouse – he hates it when I call it a condo. I wasn’t sure what we were at that time. We never discussed nor made anything official. We just went with the flow. One morning, my daughter called me on my cell, saying that it was an ‘emergency’. I rushed home of course, only to be reminded later, that my daughter uses the word emergency loosely. Later that day, my good friend came by to make sure everything was all right. We all had dinner together and had a pleasant evening with my friend and daughter ganging up on me. That night when it was just the two of us, things started to get out of hand, so we decided to head to my bedroom. Hours later when I woke up, it all hit me- we were in my house and in my bed. The only man my daughter had ever seen me with was her father, so this new relationship with my friend... it was really something. And I finally knew what we were. We were a couple. ----------------------------------- * * Months ago, that friend of mine filled my mind. Ever since her aforementioned confession, my fondness of her grew even more. She’s smart and she’s hot and to top it all up, she knew. Her confidence in herself is one of the many things that has attracted a lot of men to her, its also one of those things that you just can’t forget about her. I would admit to the fact that before, when I was with my other girlfriends, there were times when we would have sex and in my eyes, it is that friend of mine that I saw. When I met Tina, and we started going out, things were different. I stopped fantasizing about my friend, that was how it was – until a few weeks after her confession. ----------------------------------- * * * Months ago, that friend of mine had a broken heart. It was only about six, or seven weeks since my best friend and I became a couple. It all came to us as a surprise, just like his wedding. Only now, it was his divorce. I don’t really have knowledge of the reasons and the details. I still had feelings for him, so the fact that he was married, and I was starting a new relationship with another man is the main reason I kept myself at a distance. We were still friends, we still talked and joked, but the wall was always there. I didn’t just have “a thing” for him as many may refer to it. I actually had deep feelings for him. ----------------------------------- * * Weeks ago, I realized my loss. I lost the woman of my dreams because of my wife. I lost my wife because of the woman of my dreams. Such a sad fate for me. When I got married, I blew off my chance of being with the one woman of my dreams. I never really realized what I lost then. It was when my fantasies of her became more and more when I realized that I still haven’t overcome my infatuation. And then add the fact that I knew she felt the same way, my feelings became more intense and suddenly it wasn’t just an infatuation anymore. My wife and I had a lot of struggles to overcome, probably because we got married to soon. Her folks disapproved of our marriage; my closest friends and cousins who were all like my brothers weren’t so supportive either. Eventually we managed to get through the family drama, but ironically, it was the little things that caused the biggest crack. Little things about me started to infuriate her, and her little quirks were suddenly not so cute and funny anymore. We had petty arguments, which led to big fights, the fights became more and more until it was too much. We didn’t want to start hating each other, so we both made the decision. It was better to end it while we still have little affection and respect for each other, that way the memories of the marriage won’t be so bad. I said I lost my wife because of the woman of my dreams – it’s true. I could’ve tried harder to make my marriage work, but I didn’t. And it was a choice. ----------------------------------- * * * Weeks ago, I was just plain confused. For weeks, I’ve noticed his little glances towards me, which he thought I didn’t see. I can’t say I was unaffected. After his divorce, we all tried to be a better friend for him, and made sure to be there for him. We started talking more and more again, and my old feelings started to resurface. And then, one night, we almost kissed. Almost. I stopped him and backed away, just when his lips were millimeters from mine. I was with some one else, and though my feelings with that someone are not as intense- it’s still something. ----------------------------------- * * Today, I’m sure of what I’m doing. I knew that she’s with someone else. And that someone is my friend too. But I have feelings for her and she told me before that she has feelings for me. For weeks, I’ve been thinking and stressing about what to do. Do I stay in the sidelines for the rest of my life? I missed my chance before, I know that, but I wasn’t going to loose her again. That’s why today, I’m here and I’m meeting her. We have o talk. I have to know what she feels now. If she still feels the same way I do, then I’m ready to fight for it. If she doesn’t, then I’m going to back off and let her move on. I’ll just be a good friend. Whatever it is – I’m taking my chance. ----------------------------------- * * * Today, I don’t know what to do. He wanted me to meet him, and I did. I’ve already made it clear to him that I’m with someone, and I knew that he respected that, so I thought this meeting wouldn’t really hurt. I guess I was wrong. He wanted to know my feelings for him; if I didn’t feel the same anymore, then he’d drop it. It’s so easy to lie, and say that my once-deep feelings for him are all gone, but I can’t, because I know that he knows how I feel. “Catherine. Just tell me how you feel.” “I can’t do this.” “Do you trust me?” he asks me, with his eyes piercing through mine. He offers his hand to me, and I take it. My eyes linger on our hands for a while; I looked back to him and squeezed his hand, “I can’t leave him. I’m sorry.” I say this as I take my hand back from his. “I’m not asking you to do that.” “Then what are you asking me?” “I. I don’t want to pull Grissom into this mess. Do you love him Cath? Because if you do, then that’s a whole different story. For all of us.” It’s not like I’m in love with Gil, because I’m not. But I do like him, I really like him. Things are good between us, and I just want to see where it would go. It’s not like I’m in love with Warrick either, but I do have deep feelings for him. Feelings, which I can’t call love just yet, but somehow, I think that’s where it’s heading. =TBC= | ||
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